Thank you Josie for giving me a little nudge to post. It makes me sad to think that I neglected my blog, because I really love blogging and keeping up with all of you.
2013 has been a great year on all levels. I turned 60, we celebrated my younger son's wedding, and my older son and his wife are expecting a baby the end of January. Big milestones and I am so grateful that I am here to celebrate them all. I threw a bridal shower in August, we had the wedding in October, and I threw my other daughter in law a baby shower in November!
In September I went to my first cancer survivor day at the hospital. I was on the fence about going, but decided to go and see what it was all about. I wondered if I would see any of the oncology nurses who took care of me, especially my favorite one, Mary.
We arrived at the tent and right away I ran into Mary who came over and hugged my husband and I. She said she was very happy when she saw my name on the list of attendees. I had seen Mary in August when I went in for my follow up. She came out to the waiting room to say hello and I caught her up with all my family news. She cried when I told her about all the milestones we were experiencing in the family. We hugged and cried that day and she was so happy that my life was moving forward. It was a warm and fuzzy interaction.
Little did I know that Mary was the mistress of ceremony for the event. All of the oncology and radiology staff was in attendance and they were waiting on all of the cancer survivors by serving us a free lunch. All 200+ of us!
Once lunch was over, our attention was turned toward the stage and Mary took the microphone. She made the typical thank yous to those who helped organize and contributed to the cause then began to speak about her job as an oncology nurse. She talked about how rewarding it was to see the patients who make it and started to tell a story about one particular patient.
Well, it turns out that she was telling MY STORY. She did not use my name, but everyone at my table knew she was talking about me as they were my art therapy friends and they knew my history. When we realized it was my story, my husband and I grabbed hands and looked into each others' eyes and started to cry. My body started to shake. It was a surreal feeling to hear my story as I sat under this huge tent with a couple hundred people. When Mary talked about my colon cancer diagnosis on top of the breast cancer diagnosis, everyone gasped and groaned. It was chilling for me and my body shook harder. Mary continued my story and ended her talk with the day I came in for my follow-up and how I was now cancer-free, just celebrated a milestone birthday and was anticipating the wedding of my son and the upcoming birth of my grand-child. The whole tent erupted into a thunderous applause. I was filled with chills and still shaking.
I did not stop shaking until the next day. It was almost more traumatic to hear my story than it was to live it!
Two weeks later I needed to go to a 6 month follow up mammogram. I was a nervous wreck because I knew they saw some calcification and made me come back because sometimes calcification can turn cancerous. There was some change in the 6 months so they scheduled me for a biopsy. This is not the way I wanted the visit to go. It was 3 WEEKS before the wedding, I did not have time to have cancer again. I had a wedding to go to and a grandchild on the way. I was crying and crying and crying. The technicians felt so badly for me. They tried to encourage me that I had a 50/50 change of it being benign, but with my history I could not even fathom that I had a chance. I begged them to not torture me waiting for results and they promised they would get them to me in a couple of days after the procedure.
I left radiology and went right down to find the oncology social worker. I knew I needed support and I needed it right away! I called my husband and told him the situation and told him I was not coming home until I saw the social worker.
I found the social worker and to my surprise (but I should have known) my husband drove right over to the hospital and joined me with the social worker. She gave me some helpful breathing techniques, to calm me down so I could drive home. Then she left me and my husband alone. I kept crying that I was not lucky and I was so afraid I had cancer again. It was then my husband said to me words that changed my mood in an instant. He said, " You are still alive, YOU ARE LUCKY!" That changed everything.
Luckily, my biopsy was benign this time. I was thrilled. beyond. words.
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