The bush

Today we spent time with my mother. When we visit her we take her to the cemetery because she doesn't like going alone. When we take her there she gets so upset about the bush next to dad's grave. They chopped up the bush when they were digging the grave so that one side of it is all cut up. Mom gets so upset and goes on and on about the bush.

We called the grounds keeper and they said that they have no plans to fix it or replace it. Mom's point is that all the other bushes are so beautiful and the one next to dad's grave is ugly and she finds it very upsetting.

I find it hard to listen to her complaining about the bush. We can't do anything about it, and what does it matter? I find the funny looking bush a good marker to help us find dad's grave, so it is helpful to me.

When we walk towards his grave with her hanging on to me so she can walk steadily, she will start to complain how upset she is about the bush. It gives me a stomachache to hear her go on and on about it. I try to tell her to let it go and not to worry about it.

When we got home, mom told me that she realized the bush didn't bother me, but it makes her so very upset. So I said to her that maybe why she is upset has nothing to do with the bush. She thought about that for a second and I saw a look come over her face that told me she was considering that thought.

I feel bad that I can't fix the bush and I feel bad that I can't give her comfort about the bush. But I know deep in my heart, that it isn't about the bush.

35 years

Monday, May 24 we will celebrate our 35th Wedding Anniversary. Our children are taking us out for dinner tomorrow night so we will all celebrate together along with my mother. Posted below are the words to the song that was sung at our wedding. The song is titled Less than the Song, written by Hoyt Axton. It wasn't a very traditional wedding song, but we liked the words so we went with it.

It is amazing that 35 years could go by so fast. Marriage is hard work, but well worth it. I am grateful for my husband and my family and for the love we have shared.

I am less than the song I am singing
I am more than I thought I could be
Spent some time as a child in daydreaming
As a young man I sailed on the sea.

Then come stand by my side where I'm going
Take my hand if I stumble and fall
It's the strength that you share when you're growing
That gives me what I need most of all
That gives me what I need most of all.

And I want you to be happy
And I hope you always will
For I cannot rest easy
'Til all your dreams are real
'Til all your dreams are real.

All your dreams are real,
All your dreams are real
All dreams are real,
All your dreams are real.

Book recommendation

I just finished reading Geneen Roth's book called Women, Food, and God.

It is one of the best books I have read about the subject. While in some ways, it is nothing that I haven't read before, she manages to pull everything together in very practical ways. A great deal of focus on the negative talk we have in our heads that bring us down and keep us in a vicious cycle of over eating and loathing ourselves.

I related to so much of it and have highlighted many parts of it to re-read over and over again.

Just passing on the recommendation for those who might be interested.

Flashback

The other night we went to see the musical Annie Get Your Gun at a local playhouse. I was not that excited about going and could not remember any of the songs from the play, but I am so glad we went! The production was fantastic! The music was great, old favorites like: There is No Business Like Show Business, Doing What Comes Naturally, They Say Falling In Love is Wonderful, Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better, Old Fashion Wedding, I Got the Sun in the Morning, etc,

I had forgotten all of those songs. It has been years since I have heard any of them. It brought back memories of being a kid and singing those songs around the house. I love music and I would spend hours singing along with the albums and knew every lick of all of the songs.

I don't have a good singing voice, which has always been a disappointment to me because I have enjoyed singing so very much. To have the passion and not the talent was a bummer. I don't sing along to music like I used to, and I know that is something that I need to get back to doing because it brought me so much joy.