When I was a kid I always closed my eyes when ever someone took a picture of me. I guess the flash bothered me and I just didn't understand how to keep my eyes open when the flash went off. My mother was always complaining that there were no good pictures of me either my eyes were closed or I was squinting. It was embarrassing to be the one who always ruined the pictures. No matter how hard I tried, I took a terrible picture, and so many times with my eyes wide shut. So I learned to try to stay out of the picture so I would not ruin it for everyone.
It is sad to me when I look back at photos of me. There are not very many that came out nice even from my wedding day. My graduation picture stinks, too. I just did not know how to strike a pose, even if my eyes by chance stayed open.
I did marketing in my last job and one task I had was to write the newsletter for the business. This involved taking pictures of staff to go with the articles. No one wanted to have their photos taken. No.One. When they saw me coming with the camera they wanted to run for the hills. Since I hated having my picture taken I was very sensitive to others who feared the camera so I did my best to work with people and make it as much of a pleasant experience for them as I could. That meant that I took multiple shots and always, always, allowed them to make the final decision. It was worth the time to keep people happy and have them realize they could trust me.
So as I photographed people I noticed that they all seemed to have a pose and a smile reserved just for the camera. I never had that. They were all so worried about how their picture would look, but mostly they were very photogenic and took great pictures. I never came across anyone like myself who still late in life did not know how to pose and smile for a picture.
Last week, I needed to send a photo to the hospital for an article about the support group. The good news was that I did not have to go in and have them do it. My husband (a professional photographer of seas- capes and landscapes) said he would do it for me and we could just e-mail it in.
So I did my hair and make-up and went outside with my husband and we did a photo shoot. I love digital. Just shoot and shoot and delete and delete all the crappy ones. And delete we did. I finally found a couple of pictures that I could live with and I had my eyes open on both of them. No fake smile. I think I finally learned how to smile for a picture, I learned what side is better for me, and I learned I enjoyed the shoot.
I sent one picture in to the hospital and I got a note back that it was "a lovely" picture. I changed my profile picture on FB and got about 60 likes on it. The most likes I have ever received for ANY picture I have posted.
I am not posting this to brag and I hope people do not think I am being full of myself. This was such a major shift for me because I felt so small and ashamed that I did not know how to pose for a picture all of these years. I am starting to get it. I am starting to have confidence and maybe that is all I needed to keep my eyes open, stand tall, and strike a pose!
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