Getting ready for Sunday dinner

Still working on the house stuff. Son still interested in our house, we are still interested in my mother's house.

I cried for 3 days when her apartment became available. So many things were going through my head. First I was thinking that last year at this time we were getting ready for our son's wedding. Such a wonderful and happy occasion. Soon afterwards my dad became ill and passed away.There was not an inkling in my mind that we would be picking up and moving a year later.

I cried for my mom because she is being so brave to start all over again at age 85, when her entire life was devoted to her husband and that house. I kept thinking it was not really going to happen, that she would change her mind. I guess I was in denial.

I think I had to cry my way through it all for a few days, because now I am feeling so much better. Even my knees are doing better as far as the pain goes. I called and canceled a cortisone shot I was scheduled for because I no longer needed one to my surprise!

We are busy getting rid of clutter we don't want to move or need and that is good no matter what happens.

Been in a creative state lately. I entered 3 categories for the big statewide fair coming up next week. Salon prints, digital pictures, and I did a collection case of Beatles memorabilia. I will find out how I did on Friday. Sort of a fun distraction away from moving and all that stress it entails.

So there u have it. So much more I want to write, but I space out on Frontierville when I have the extra time. Sort of relaxing and like working on an electronic color form set to me. Except the click of a mouse makes it so much easier.

Work is going better, too.

I have come to believe it is more about how we think about the situations in our lives that causes so much suffering than necessary. There are a lot of folks out there who talk about that and I am reading them and really trying to put their strategies into action. I post them all over my Facebook so I will see them every day.

Off to Sunday dinner at my mom's house. We are getting down to the wire now with these dinners. As they will never be the same as they have been all these years in just a few short weeks.

Who knew when I started blogging and writing about the Sunday dinners that I might be the one to carry the torch for my mom in her house? Life is full of surprises and redirections and if it wasn't, how could we ever stretch ourselves?

Take care

I am having such problems with my old knees. My good knee is now bad and I am needing replacement surgery on both of them. The surgeon wants to try to put it off, because I am on the young side to have it done. The new knees only last about 10 years and then you need another replacement, so they say. I want to go along with that because I am not looking forward to surgery, pain, recovery, rehab, etc. but I am not sure waiting is an option as I find my life is becoming more and more pain filled and I am limited in my activities.

I have to figure out what I am going to do. I was falling into a depression because of the despair I was feeling and then had another wake up call when I went for my yearly mammogram.

I was called back to have another mammogram and ultrasound, one day after I had my yearly appointment. Over the phone they were talking about density, cysts, etc. and giving me per cent ages of how many are not malignant. I know many women do get called back and find out they are fine so I tried to not worry about it.

And I didn't worry too much during the day, but I found I had no control of my dreams and I would wake up from dreams about cancer. I would lie awake shaking for awhile. So it was a very stressful 3 days of waiting for my appointment. It gave me a lot to think about, a lot to pray about. I used those days to think about what I need to do to take better care of myself, and I need to start soon. I am ashamed of how I have allowed myself to get into a mess with my health. I worked on a plan to address my issues no matter what the outcome of my tests would be.

You can not imagine my relief and happiness when the technician walked into the room after consulting with the radiologist with her arms waving in the air to tell me that they did not find anything and that I could leave!

So now I am trying to keep my word to myself. I have been doing so much reading about women's issues and all the experts say that there is one main issue that keeps women from taking care of themselves.... It is not feeling worthy. I try to fake feeling worthy, but obviously it isn't working. I am going to keep on trying until I am not faking it any longer because I really want to feel good, feel free of the anxiety I feel on a regular basis.

Seems silly at my age, not to feel worthy. But something has a hold on me, something that has been there for a very long time and I am so tired of how it has made life such a struggle. I want to be free of it.

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