I am having such problems with my old knees. My good knee is now bad and I am needing replacement surgery on both of them. The surgeon wants to try to put it off, because I am on the young side to have it done. The new knees only last about 10 years and then you need another replacement, so they say. I want to go along with that because I am not looking forward to surgery, pain, recovery, rehab, etc. but I am not sure waiting is an option as I find my life is becoming more and more pain filled and I am limited in my activities.
I have to figure out what I am going to do. I was falling into a depression because of the despair I was feeling and then had another wake up call when I went for my yearly mammogram.
I was called back to have another mammogram and ultrasound, one day after I had my yearly appointment. Over the phone they were talking about density, cysts, etc. and giving me per cent ages of how many are not malignant. I know many women do get called back and find out they are fine so I tried to not worry about it.
And I didn't worry too much during the day, but I found I had no control of my dreams and I would wake up from dreams about cancer. I would lie awake shaking for awhile. So it was a very stressful 3 days of waiting for my appointment. It gave me a lot to think about, a lot to pray about. I used those days to think about what I need to do to take better care of myself, and I need to start soon. I am ashamed of how I have allowed myself to get into a mess with my health. I worked on a plan to address my issues no matter what the outcome of my tests would be.
You can not imagine my relief and happiness when the technician walked into the room after consulting with the radiologist with her arms waving in the air to tell me that they did not find anything and that I could leave!
So now I am trying to keep my word to myself. I have been doing so much reading about women's issues and all the experts say that there is one main issue that keeps women from taking care of themselves.... It is not feeling worthy. I try to fake feeling worthy, but obviously it isn't working. I am going to keep on trying until I am not faking it any longer because I really want to feel good, feel free of the anxiety I feel on a regular basis.
Seems silly at my age, not to feel worthy. But something has a hold on me, something that has been there for a very long time and I am so tired of how it has made life such a struggle. I want to be free of it.
F R E E ...
I have to figure out what I am going to do. I was falling into a depression because of the despair I was feeling and then had another wake up call when I went for my yearly mammogram.
I was called back to have another mammogram and ultrasound, one day after I had my yearly appointment. Over the phone they were talking about density, cysts, etc. and giving me per cent ages of how many are not malignant. I know many women do get called back and find out they are fine so I tried to not worry about it.
And I didn't worry too much during the day, but I found I had no control of my dreams and I would wake up from dreams about cancer. I would lie awake shaking for awhile. So it was a very stressful 3 days of waiting for my appointment. It gave me a lot to think about, a lot to pray about. I used those days to think about what I need to do to take better care of myself, and I need to start soon. I am ashamed of how I have allowed myself to get into a mess with my health. I worked on a plan to address my issues no matter what the outcome of my tests would be.
You can not imagine my relief and happiness when the technician walked into the room after consulting with the radiologist with her arms waving in the air to tell me that they did not find anything and that I could leave!
So now I am trying to keep my word to myself. I have been doing so much reading about women's issues and all the experts say that there is one main issue that keeps women from taking care of themselves.... It is not feeling worthy. I try to fake feeling worthy, but obviously it isn't working. I am going to keep on trying until I am not faking it any longer because I really want to feel good, feel free of the anxiety I feel on a regular basis.
Seems silly at my age, not to feel worthy. But something has a hold on me, something that has been there for a very long time and I am so tired of how it has made life such a struggle. I want to be free of it.
F R E E ...
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4 comments:
Many of us are our own worst enemies -- you are not alone!! :)
The new knees are actually lasting about 30 years now. I'm considering having the left one done in a couple of years -- as I'm not yet 60. My mom had both knees done about 9 years ago. She's still going strong and turned 85 last week.
Also, consider acupuncture, massage, and Bowenwork. The last one has been a real boon to me.
I've been called back two different times for repeat mammograms, so I am not looking forward to my regular mammo at the end of September.
I know that my husband is in real pain from his knees. His sister asked him, "When did you start limping?" His reply: "I don't limp."
I have known for years that I will need a knee replacement, and now it seems my left hip will be a candidate, too. My doc told me to keep going until I can't take the pain and then we would do something about it. I have a really high pain tolerance, so the knee thing will probably go forever, but the hip? Hmm..prob won't take too long.
Yes, you do need to take good care of yourself, as much as you can stand. Ad we age, at least for me, it's just a matter of the biggest pain in the butt taken care of now, the rest can wait. Maybe it's not the way for everyone, but it seems that I am literally falling apart.
Big hugs, good friend.
Has anyone else noticed the market leveling out?
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