LAUNCHcast

I love my LAUNCHcast music. I have about 5,000 songs rated over the years. So neat the way songs pop up because of your other ratings. Songs that I would never think of searching for, appear like a gift under the Christmas tree.

I can listen at work and not have to search for the right album or CD and fiddle with getting the right song. And the sound is so fine. I can work on the computer and listen. I love my music and my favorite songs. So amazing how I can have access to so many with just clicks of a button.

Music can take you away to another place inside of yourself that gets hard to find in the day to day happenings.

Now playing.... Vertical Horizon... The Best I Ever Had.... Grey Sky Morning ****

Unconditional Love

When I was in 8th grade I came home from school one day and my dad asked me to go into the garage to get him a hammer. When I walked into the garage ...surprise... there was a puppy waiting for me. I was beside myself with happiness and shock. I named her Missy and she became my best friend and confidant for the next 14 years.

Growing up on a farm was the perfect place to raise a puppy and Missy had the run of the cornfields. She often accompanied me driving my dad's old Chevy up and down the hills leaving clouds of dust to be seen for miles.

When I left home and moved out of state after I got married, she moped around the house and didn't eat for 2 weeks. When ever we came home to visit, she would be out of her mind excited to see me. There was no better feeling in the world than being welcomed home by her.

Missy grew old and needed to be put to sleep. I put it off as long as I could, but there came a point when she was just suffering too much to let her go on. It was fitting that she was put to rest soon after the birth of my first child. I welcomed my son and said good-bye to my best friend.

Missy never really left my heart because over the years I have seen her rise up in my dreams. Once, after my second son's heart surgery, I dreamt that I was in the cornfield and there she was running up to greet me. I had my two sons with me and I introduced her to them. A dream that was deep and real and I question if it was in fact a dream at all.

Rewind

I was listening to one of my sessions with my mentor last night from about 5 years ago. I laughed and yet I shook my head in compassion for myself. If only I understood how to communicate better and saw the world with a more positive and kind lens, I would have been a much easier person to live with and happier with myself.

What a mother and wife I could have been... I can't be so hard on my self... "you do your best until you know better and then you can do better."

Oh my God, good sessions wash your brain of all the negativity and help you to transform and evolve... but listening to the tape was a good reminder because it is so easy to fall back into old patterns. Who knows better than I?

But it was fun listening and thinking that I am not that woman now. I KNOW BETTER and can DO BETTER!

Peace out.

"Big Boys Don't"

"I don't get emotional too often," he said,
choking back the tears.

It was as if he was pleading with us not to chastise him for
this public display of emotions, as it was a rarity in his life.

Go ahead, get emotional... more often.

cjm-r
6/00

Refections

I agree with the other bloggers... it is hard to post everyday. I need to wait until the words start dancing in my head and I have to hold them there until I get to my computer.

Big Peace rally in Washington yesterday, protesting the war in Iraq. I admire people who get themselves down there and withstand the freezing cold to stand up for their beliefs. We need them. God Bless them.

Bring them home.. safely... bring them home to their loved ones and their communities.

It is interesting that there was no coverage in the mainstream news about the protesters. The government controls the media and we hear and see what they want us to.

American Idol

Wasted lots of time last night watching American Idol. Addicting. There is something appealing about watching people go for their dream. The confidence, the bravery of these young people is inspiring.

Many talented... one winner.

They all win for getting up there week after week and taking the criticism of the whole world and walking away that much braver and stronger.

Go Lakisha, Melinda, Jordan, Chris S. Blake, and Phil.

Fake it until you make it.

I never wanted to fake it. I had to have it just right or I would not venture forward. I didn't understand that everyone else was faking it. I did not have to be perfect or even close to it. Just had to act "as if".

Lesson learned too late? Never.

And So

Just feeling totally annoyed about stuff tonight. Nothing in particular and everything.

So it goes.

Wondering

I click onto the other blogs that are on this and wonder if other people ever stop here to check out my blog. I never leave comments on other blogs, however.

Just love reading blogs. How cool it it to see how other people think, feel, live and what challenges they face.

No celeb photos here, just real life. Same old, same old...and that is OK by me.

Peace out.

Pain

Sometimes it is about why people want to hold on to their pain.

Wasted

Spent 6 months thinking I failed on that project. Guilty as charged.

Today, I find out that no one had success, the project scrapped.

Wasted 6 months worrying about it.

Breathe and move forward...

Board Meeting

Since 9/11, my two good friends and I have been meeting for dinner once a month. We meet half way in between at a different restaurant each time. We discuss what has gone on in our lives since our last dinner. Since so many times we had different agendas to discuss about our lives, we decided to call our dinners board meetings and advise each other on different life issues.

So every month we discuss what is going on in the world, on TV, at our jobs, and in our families. We think about each other's circumstances over the month and then update at the meetings.

It is a good thing that keeps us all connected. We have been friends since Jr. High School.... we are much older and wiser now.

It is the one thing I look most forward to all month long! Old friends are the best friends. They knew you when.

Peace out!

Secrets

I am entrusted with many secrets lately. This is such a burden.

Please think before you ask someone to keep a secret.

Back Story

Everyone has a story.

The story isn't evident by the way a person looks or speaks. You never know the losses and victories in any one's life by just looking at them. If we did... we would treat each other with a lot more kindness and respect.

Back story.... understanding some one's heart and soul and decisions.

Confidence

Interesting that once back at work, the daily blog time slipped away. I must be more mindful not to allow that to happen again.

Confidence. I see many people who have a great deal of confidence without experience or knowledge and that confidence somehow carries them to the top. At some point the knowledge and experience catches up to that confidence, but oh the mistakes they make along the way!

I try to think about times where I had confidence, but no experience and try to be less judgemental to those around me. It is hard to remember that we all start out with a learning curve and we have to give people the space to make mistakes. Without mistakes and refection we can not grow into our confidence.