Time Travel

Last night I was having a few dreams about my parents. But there was one dream that woke me up out of a sound sleep with such a heavy chest that I could barely breathe.

I was dreaming about Amy, Ron, and Carin F. from high school and we were in Grandma's farmhouse. I took Carin to the upstairs bathroom and I closed the door to tell her a secret. I told her that I remembered I had had this dream before, and I needed to take a break from the dream and do some time traveling.

I opened the bathroom door and stepped out into the hallway to the upstairs back door. I slowly opened the door and stood on the stoop and looked across the street to see my dad. He was across the street in his front yard putting vegetables on the stand. My mother was out there taking care of customers. He was so happy and he could walk and move. I wondered why we didn't have the vegetable stand anymore, and then remembered that it was because he is now 86 soon to be 87 and he is retired and he can barely walk around the house.

I stood on the stoop and just watched him under the trees and I began to wail and cry so hard that I was heaving and could barely breathe. I was crying because I knew his future and how he would have to give up what he loved and how lonely and unproductive his days were going to be not to mention the pain he would be facing on a daily basis.

I wailed so much in that dream that I woke myself up struggling for breath. The phone then rang and it was my sister. I wanted to tell her about the dream, so I tried to share a little, but not the full impact.

It was been a few years now that he has been so disabled and there has not been any break-through with his pain management. He just has to live with it day in and day out... and we visit and we kiss him hello and good-bye... and we try to make him laugh... but keep the emotions at bay.

Sometimes I think that all of the recent pain problems I am having are just sympathy pains for him. I can't make him better... there is nothing I can do for him to ease the pain for a minute.

So I take on his pain and go from doctor to doctor to see what the heck is wrong with me. There is no blood test, no x-ray or MRI that will diagnose this...

Time travel didn't seem so hard in that dream... I just opened the door. Traveling back not only to a place in time, but to feelings that I froze in time.