Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

After I wrote yesterday's post we took off for the day. I was walking past a bookstore and saw this sign in the window. I stopped and read it over and over. The universe really wants me to get this message I guess, so of course I had to go in and buy it. When I get home, I will find just the right spot for it and read it.

 Every. Single. Day. 

Love is all you need

We are on our annual vacation to Cape Cod. The first few days were just stinking hot. The sweat just poured off of us while we all scrambled to be the one to sit in front of the fans. But it has cooled down some and that makes it so much nicer.

My younger son and his fiance came for a few days to spend some time here and it was great to have them with us. We have been to the beach to watch the suns sets and spent a couple of days  in Provence Town. I will always love it there as it is just so unpretentious or totally pretentious as my husband pointed out to me.

The big news in my family is that my son and daughter -in-law are expecting a baby! We are becoming grandparents for the first time. Needless to say, we are over the moon excited! A wedding in October and a baby in January, so many happy things to look forward to and I am just filled with joy and also some stress. Good stress.

I am continuing to work on my new "lifestyle". Organic meats ( or at the very least beef and chicken, eggs and milk that are hormone and antibiotic free). limited dairy, and avoiding white flour and sugar.  It is harder to do it on vacation, but I am doing the best I can up here and not worrying about it. I think in the past for me vacation was a license to eat out and eating became the prime focus of the week. 

I have been reading so much about preventing cancer and anti cancer foods and spices and supplements, etc. I am taking a whole new regimen of vitamins and supplements under the care of my naturopathic doctor. I think I am starting to see some improvements. I continue to meditate when I remember, go to the pool for exercise etc. I was also reading an article written by Dr. Christine  Northrup and she agreed that all of the above things are very important, but if all the changes are motivated by fear, then they do no help you to achieve good health.

The one  most important practice Dr. Northrup recommends is looking in the mirror and saying,"I love you, I really love you." And by day 21 she says she would look to see your inner self gazing back at you through those eyes and then she  would do what your mirror image tells you to do.

Sounds so simple, doesn't it?

Happy Birthday to me!

On Monday, July 1, I will turn 60 years old. A milestone, a new decade, and a new improved me ( I am working on it.) Last Sunday my husband threw me a surprise birthday a little early to throw me off. I was suspicious, but never the less, surprised when I walked in and realized it was a party for me and he invited ALL my family and friends. We had about 55 people at a local restaurant for brunch. It was quite wonderful. When I walked in and everyone yelled surprise I had to brace myself to let myself feel all of the love. I stood next to my husband and scanned the crowd. So many smiling and happy faces all gathered there for ME! It was quite a moment and I think I may have left my body  for a  minute or two and then floated back and leaned against my husband's shoulder and cried.  

I have no complaints about getting older as I will be grateful to celebrate many, many, more, birthdays.

When people ask me what I am doing with myself while I am still on medical leave, I tell them that I am the CEO of me! It usually makes people laugh and I feel better for still not working. I know that I am on the right track though since I started to see a naturopath. She did a complete series of blood tests and found I was so depleted of many vitamins and minerals from all the chemo. No wonder I have been feeling so low energy and low motivation and just blah!  So I am on a new regime of vitamins and supplements and weekly acupuncture appointments. Our goal is to get me back to the working world by the fall. I do see some improvements in my symptoms, but most of all I am feeling so hopeful. The hope fills me up and helps me to stay motivated to do what I need to do. 

Meditation

Many ,many years ago when I first went to a energy healer she asked me to pick a number. I think I picked the number six. She told me that no matter what happens and if I were never to see her again that I should meditate six minutes everyday and it would be life changing. So I went home and tried to meditate my six minutes a day every day. 

I quickly found that I did not enjoy meditating. I would sit with my eyes closed peeking at the clock to see if the six minutes (which almost felt like six hours) were up. I could not quiet my mind and I was just about jumping out of my seat. It was supposed to be a peaceful experience, but it felt like torture to me. This practice did not fit my impulsive and instant gratification kind of  personality. I was never good at hanging in there with anything new and developing a practice that in the end would benefit me; instead I ditched it. 

Over the years I made some feeble attempts to meditate again, but par for the course it never seemed to stick. Thirty years later when I visited the very same energy healer after my first cancer diagnosis she encouraged me to use meditation as a tool to cope with the chemotherapy treatments and the stress of dealing with a life threatening illness. Now that I had hit rock bottom  healthwise, I was a somewhat motivated to give it another try. It did help me during those first months of treatment and I had some wonderful experiences, but true to form  my motivation level dropped again. 

Since I have been home recovering and trying to get my health and energy back I have been reading more and more about how important meditation is for the people recovering from cancer. Marianne Williamson considers it the absolute number one most important thing one can do to regain health as meditation connects us to spirit and self healing agents.  So with yet another big endorsement regarding meditation, I have been trying to incorporate it into my day on a regular basis. I still struggle with being antsy and still forget to make time for it, but I can say I am working hard at fitting it into my day to day activities. Mostly I put in the time and feel good that I can cross it off of my list for the day. Every so often I have a great meditation time. Today was one of those days.

Before I sat down to meditate today I had been looking for a yellow piece of paper that I had written an important appointment on. I looked in the two places I thought it could be, but it was not to be found. I was not worried about it per say because I was just planning on calling and getting the appointment confirmed. But it does bother me when I can't keep track of my things and since chemotherapy, it seems I am more distracted than ever! 

I  did a few more  household chores before I sat down to meditate not at all consciously thinking about my lost paper. During my meditation all of a sudden I had a vision of my paper hanging on the refrigerator and I heard my voice inside my head say; yes, it is on the refrigerator, just where I put it yesterday.

I realized in that very moment that I was deep in mediation and I started to pull myself out of that state and  open my eyes. As I came to (so to speak) I realized that I didn't really remember putting that paper on the refrigerator in my conscious mind and wondered if it was actually there. Maybe I dozed off and I was dreaming?  So I went right to the kitchen and there it was hanging on a magnet on the fridge.

I know this is not a big experience but I learned something big. The voice I heard was my inner voice, not an inner dialogue of chatter. It was the voice I need to be listening to, but I have not been able to distinguish between the two voices for so many years. 

Just the experience I needed to keep me going. 

Here I am!

I have been locked out of my blog for weeks! My password was not working and when I tried to change the password, I was not able to. I called my son the IT expert to come over and he fooled with it for a very long time and we still could not get in. He sent an email to the help department and we never heard back. Tonight, just for the heck of it I tried to get on and all systems were go! I am just amazed. It's like reuniting with an old friend.

It feels like a little miracle! 

I am doing well on many levels even though I have a long way to go to get to where I used to be. One foot in front of the other is my motto! 

As I stated in my last post, I wanted to make an appointment to see a naturopathic doctor. I took a long time before I made the appointment because I was not sure where to go. I had to make a visit to my eye doctor for a cyst growing on my eye lid and he recommended the doctor that he goes to. The practice is just 10 minutes away from my house and I didn't even know it was there! I was so grateful to find one recommended by someone I trust so much. My eye doctor said he was skeptical about natural medicine considering his medical training,but he had come up against some scary symptoms with his own health and after going from doctor to doctor with no results he decided to give it a try. His symptoms have disappeared and he was feeling and looking fantastic! 

I have had two visits so far and I am now taking some new vitamin and supplements and making changes in how I shop for food and what I shop for. It is a complete overhaul from how I have operated in the past and it would be so overwhelming to me if I thought I had to do everything all at once. I don't. I just need to take baby steps and make changes one at a time. 

I have been doing an incredible amount of research on organic foods and meats that are hormone and antibiotic free and doing lots of comparison shopping. I have also been throwing away all my old make up and lotions and sunscreens and buying more natural products. 

I am late to the game with these changes in many ways considering if I had been more conscious of how food and environmental pollutants affected my health, I may not have become so ill. But I know now and I can move forward with all this information and hopefully return to a more healthful and happy life!

Post challenge

The 30 day appreciation challenge was an interesting exercise.  Some days it was hard to find 10 things in one day to appreciate, but I often realized I was missing some important small things. It was part memory and part taking certain experiences  for granted. I also learned as I went along that if I actively looked for the things to appreciate in the moment, there were so many. 

A couple of weeks into it, I learned that the 10 things did not have to happen in one day that we could go back to the past or something we looked forward to in the future, so that made it easier. But for some reason, I enjoyed the challenge of finding 10 in a day. 

My practitioner said that as I was doing this assignment she noticed that my body was more relaxed and connected and moved much better. A positive outlook made a difference in my body! I could feel it, too as far as being able to stretch more than I could before I started the the practice and less pain in my knee. 

I also felt like it became a spiritual practice. It was something that I did everyday that I needed to be focused for and it caused me to reflect on my actions and perceptions. I realized one day that you do not have to travel to Bali to find a guru to make some significant changes to your life. Since I won't be traveling anywhere, I was very happy to have that revelation. :-)

I decided to keep the lists up in my journal so I would not lose momentum. I had such an awesome Feldenkrais session today and want to keep up the good energy I created for myself!

The next thing I need to work on is my diet and food issues. I have worked that angle in the past in different ways, but never stuck to a plan for life. The most success I had was in an Over Eaters Anonymous group years ago. Years. ago.

I have been studying the effects of a balanced PH level for good health.  I have read a couple of books as well as research from the internet. I started reading a year ago, then gave up thinking I could never change my diet so much to achieve a balanced PH level. Most of the food I ate (meat, dairy, etc.) is high in acidity. I realized thinking I could never do it, was well just plain negative! Maybe, just maybe I can make the changes. Maybe it does not have to be for 0 -60! I could start with small changes. So I have been trying to add more of what is good for me and less of what is bad. I am planning to call a natural path to help me with a plan and test my levels. This is scary to me and it is scary to not to do it, too, as the research is very convincing that this is something that can help cancer from reoccurring.

So if I commit to it publicly, maybe it will help me to follow through this time. So much work ahead of me. I need to get busy!

- Myself and I  we got some straightening out to do. - Fergie

Day 30 appreciation challenge

1. Day 30!

2. Nice visit with my elder relative in rehab.

3. Spent most of the day reading.

4. Sore throat feeling better.

5. Dinner at Dakota with best salad bar around.

6. Other bloggers are taking the challenge.

7. My parent's clock sitting on my shelf.

8. Laundry all done.

9. Caller I.D.

10. The way social media brings people together in good times and bad.