Years ago, I worked at a social service agency that served many low income people. When the holidays rolled around we worked with other organizations and businesses that "adopted" our families to ensure that they would have a good meal and gifts for the kids under the tree on Christmas morning. It all sounds good and it pretty much was good, but it was also a very interesting experience for me.
One year a group of employees at a local business wanted to adopt a family. Since there were a lot of staff, I paired them with a single mother who had six children. They mother gave me a list of things that the kids wanted and I passed it on to the one coordinating the gift giving. They had never adopted a family before and they were very excited about making it a good Christmas for the family. As Christmas got closer, the woman was calling me everyday telling me what gifts they were adding to the list. They decided to go above and beyond what was on the list and were chipping in to buy bikes and other big gifts. When I checked with the mom she was thrilled that the business was going all out for her kids and it was turning into the best Christmas they had ever had. That right there worried me. They were going over the top and I wondered if every Christmas after this one would be a let down. But I didn't say a word. They were being generous and the mother was all excited.
A couple of days before Christmas, I got another call from the woman in charge of the Christmas gifts. She said that all the employees were so excited about the gifts they bought, that they decided they wanted to be at the house on Christmas morning and see the faces of the kids when they opened all of their gifts. My heart sank. I had to explain that our clients identities were confidential and we could not release the names without the mother's permission. But more than that I knew the mom would never want to let a dozen strangers in her home on Christmas morning to watch the kids open presents. Who would want to do that? I tried to explain to the woman that the children did not know that their mother was so low on money that she could not afford Christmas gifts for them. The mom had a lot of pride and it was hard for her to accept help, but she was doing so for her kids.
The lady from the business got so mad. She started yelling at me, reminding me how much money they spent on gifts for the kids and it was their "right" to be at their house on Christmas morning. She said she was not looking forward to going back to the other employees to tell them that they could not go over to the house.
I knew this mother would be mortified that these people wanted to come over and intrude on her Christmas with her kids. She didn't want them to know who she was and have everyone know she was down on her luck.
So the woman and I went back and forth and back and forth. I tried to remind the woman that the real purpose of gift giving was giving without expecting anything back. I stressed how good-hearted they were for taking on this project and just maybe they were losing sight of why they were doing this in the first place.
She was good and mad at me. But when the day came for them to deliver the gifts to me, they came with them all. I then called the mother and she came and picked up all the gifts for her and her children and was very, very thankful.
That particular business never called me again to adopt any more families at the holidays.
One year a group of employees at a local business wanted to adopt a family. Since there were a lot of staff, I paired them with a single mother who had six children. They mother gave me a list of things that the kids wanted and I passed it on to the one coordinating the gift giving. They had never adopted a family before and they were very excited about making it a good Christmas for the family. As Christmas got closer, the woman was calling me everyday telling me what gifts they were adding to the list. They decided to go above and beyond what was on the list and were chipping in to buy bikes and other big gifts. When I checked with the mom she was thrilled that the business was going all out for her kids and it was turning into the best Christmas they had ever had. That right there worried me. They were going over the top and I wondered if every Christmas after this one would be a let down. But I didn't say a word. They were being generous and the mother was all excited.
A couple of days before Christmas, I got another call from the woman in charge of the Christmas gifts. She said that all the employees were so excited about the gifts they bought, that they decided they wanted to be at the house on Christmas morning and see the faces of the kids when they opened all of their gifts. My heart sank. I had to explain that our clients identities were confidential and we could not release the names without the mother's permission. But more than that I knew the mom would never want to let a dozen strangers in her home on Christmas morning to watch the kids open presents. Who would want to do that? I tried to explain to the woman that the children did not know that their mother was so low on money that she could not afford Christmas gifts for them. The mom had a lot of pride and it was hard for her to accept help, but she was doing so for her kids.
The lady from the business got so mad. She started yelling at me, reminding me how much money they spent on gifts for the kids and it was their "right" to be at their house on Christmas morning. She said she was not looking forward to going back to the other employees to tell them that they could not go over to the house.
I knew this mother would be mortified that these people wanted to come over and intrude on her Christmas with her kids. She didn't want them to know who she was and have everyone know she was down on her luck.
So the woman and I went back and forth and back and forth. I tried to remind the woman that the real purpose of gift giving was giving without expecting anything back. I stressed how good-hearted they were for taking on this project and just maybe they were losing sight of why they were doing this in the first place.
She was good and mad at me. But when the day came for them to deliver the gifts to me, they came with them all. I then called the mother and she came and picked up all the gifts for her and her children and was very, very thankful.
That particular business never called me again to adopt any more families at the holidays.
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2 comments:
Lena, I know exactly where you're coming from! Since retirement, I have spent more time volunteering for Laurel Advocacy and Referral Services (LARS). Right now, LARS is in the "gift-pick-up" phase of the Holiday Program. Donors can get very huffy about the agency's need to protect the privacy of the clients. Churches can be even worse, thinking it is their "right" to impose the "Good News" on the recipients of their generosity. To be sure, LARS has had its share of "donors from hell."
On one hand the story makes me celebrate the generosity of others. On the other hand it makes me sad to learn that the gifts became about the givers and not the recipients. Discretion is the better part of valor.
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