I forgot to mention that a couple of weeks ago we were able to get up to Vermont for a few days. We had a nice relaxing time. There is something about those hills and mountains that just give me a peaceful and restful feeling. It was a good get away for us.
We had to cancel our vacation at Cape Cod in July because I was in the hospital so we rescheduled it for September. Today I went to the oncologist for blood counts and they were low. If they are low on Tuesday they won't give me chemo and that will interfere with our plans to go away. I know my husband is chomping at the bit to get up to the cape. He finds so much inspiration there for his artwork and photography. So all we can do is wait and see what happens with the blood counts.
I am spending time doing a great deal of reading and trying to figure out what to do with my life after treatment. Do I just go back to the same old job and carry on? I am feeling called not to do so, but I am not getting a clear answer for where I should be instead. I thought three months would be a long enough time to figure out what I should do, but the weeks are flying by and I am getting almost anxious that a plan has not fallen into place.
I know going back will mean being back into the rat race of stress and competition and I am so not looking forward to it. I wonder if I can do it differently this time around, but in light of the nature of my job, I can't see how things can change. But I am not giving up as I know I will have to go back and make it work better for me this time. I am the only person I can change.
I am just feeling a deep yearning for something more in my life and I am not sure what that is just yet.
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Yeah, it's 2012!
12 years ago
3 comments:
Don't know where my comment went! Posted it yesterday. Anyway, in case it never shows up, here's a re-run:
Perhaps you can go back to work but sit on the sidelines of the rat race, since you are thinking about leaving sooner or later. I hope you find a job that satisfies your deeper yearnings for something less stressful and more compatible with your gifts.
The fact that you're yearning for something more means that something different is definitely on the horizon. Try not to get too stressed over it. I'm sure you'll be welcomed back with open arms. Just remember there are always other options if things get too crazy. Trust your feelings. I'm praying for good results on Tuesday. Keep us posted.
I hope you get to go to the Cape. This is my first year not going, and I miss it. It's just so picturesque. Go up, blood count!
Do you need to work? It would be nice not having the stress of having to make a decision.
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