Stitch and Bitch

My girlfriends and I have been meeting regularly once a month for a few years now. We take turns at each other's homes and have refreshments. We call these evenings stitch and bitch although no sewing ever gets done. We started them up because we realized we weren't seeing each other as often as we liked with working and raising families, so we made a commitment to one another to get together once a month minimum. I can't even remember how many years we have been doing this, but it started when our kids were little.

Most of the evenings we talk about our kids and what they are up to, especially now that they are all grown up and some already married with children of their own. But pretty much we have supported one another though all of life's ups and downs. Divorce, cancer, moving, new jobs, etc. How quickly the years go by.... a cliche... but it rings true on a regular basis.

Take time for your girlfriends...take time for yourself.... that is the most important advice I could give someone.

Talk of the Town

Very interesting reactions about the hair today. The kids didn't seem to notice, I think because it isn't that drastic a change. So that was good. One person came up to me and asked if I had a hair cut, she couldn't figure what was different.

One much younger colleague saw me and went all wild about how beautiful my hair looked today and asked how I got it that color. She said she wanted to tell her mom about it. So that is exactly the reaction I didn't want to get.... she sort of was saying she didn't like the white hair on me or her mother! A few others said they liked it, too.

Well, I do believe that hair color is most likely bad for our health, and I thought I was just plain stupid for sitting there with chemicals on my head again.

One thing I did forget to mention in the post last night, is that when I stopped coloring my hair, I would have dreams where my hair would be black like when I was younger and I was so happy to see my dark hair again. I would be a little sad when I would wake up and not have my dark hair. So that is what it is to get older... who knew that losing hair color would have such an effect on me that I would dream about it and morn it.

There are little losses in all of our lives that help us to prepare for bigger losses that will come our way. It is what life is all about... To quote my son when he was a little boy, " Mommy, I think life is all about hellos and good-byes."

Does She or Doesn't She? Only her hairdresser knows for sure

In my early 30's my hairdresser talked me into coloring my hair. I wasn't planning on it, but she convinced me to try it and well, once you do, it is so hard to let it grow out, especially with dark hair. So I continued to color it, and every so often, I would bring up letting the color grow out and the hairdresser would go on and on about how I would looked washed out and I would hate it. So it took me awhile before I took charge of my hair and did what I wanted to do, instead of listening to her negativity. Of course if I stopped coloring my hair, she would also lose income, and I was sure that was a factor for her talking me out of it.

The transformation from a brunette to gray(or completely white hair) was a very interesting one. The kids at school were the first ones to comment. One boy pulled me aside when the white hair was really starting to show and said, "Ms. I am sorry that you are getting old." I laughed and explained to him that I was still the same age, and if my hair were turning purple, I would still be the same age.

A couple of the autistic children stopped talking to me because they no longer recognized me. When I "re-introduced" myself to one of the girls, she went on about how I got old. Her teacher quickly shushed her fearing that she was embarrassing me, but I wasn't embarrassed, because I was still the same age.

Our culture equates gray hair with oldness, and there are many people who are not old with gray hair. People believe that old and gray go together like horse and carriage. Well, it does... and it doesn't.

When I was going through my transformation, it was about the time that Taylor Hicks was on American Idol and he was getting flack for his gray hair. He did not succumb to the pressure to dye it completely, and he was a good example of a young person with gray hair and boy did I talk that up with the kids.

When my hair finally turned to white, many women complimented me on it, saying that if they could be sure their hair would look as good, they would stop coloring it in a minute. Some of the women who made those comments were gorgeous women who would be beautiful no matter what color their hair was... but they did not believe in themselves enough to know that.

A friend of mine is married to a woman whose hair turned white in her early 20's and she decided not to color it. She loved that I was natural now and shared with me how when her kids were little, a teacher told her to color her hair because she was embarrassing her children by looking so old. Her kids never knew her without white hair and didn't really notice it. It wasn't an issue for them, but it sure it was one for the teacher it seems.

So after 2 years of this transformation and enlightenment all do to having my hair go natural... I decided to get it low-lighted tonight. Not sure why... just needed a change. It wasn't to make me feel younger, because nothing would make me feel younger. So there I sat while the hairdresser pulled my hair out of a little cap and then painted chemicals on it. All the while the smell made me sick just like it used to, and then I sat under a steamer that made my eyes burn while waiting for the hair to process. I then remembered what I hated about having my hair colored....

The hairdresser was satisfied with the end result, but I don't think it looks that good. Sort of looks like dirty hair if you ask me. I think she should have gone darker, which is what I wanted, but she was scared to try it the first time so dark.

So tomorrow I go into work. Will the autistic children not recognize me again? Will they think I have become younger? Will anyone notice at all?

And what really makes me feel old is the title of this post, how many of you remember that commercial?

Sandwich Generation

All of my aunts and uncles are in their upper 80's now. All are dealing with the Golden Years and finding out that well... they are not so golden. They hurt from all kinds of joint pains, and suffer all kinds of medical issues, because "the body is not built to last that long" as my acupuncturist says.

I brought my dad to visit is 89 year old sister today who is suffering the after affects of a stroke. While she could not hold a reciprocal conversation nor say our names, it was evident by her smile that she knew who we were. I saw my dad swallow his tears at seeing his sister so incapacitated, so he began telling her great grandchild all about how strong she used to be and how she picked beans on the farm. He broke out into a huge smile thinking about those long ago days.

My dad hasn't ventured out too much these past few years, but he pushed himself to visit his sister and felt good that he was able to.

Getting older isn't what I expected it would be. I never thought that I would give it a thought and I could accept it and not look back. But it sneaks up on you and starts to put a damper on the little things in your life, even if you are relatively healthy. Now when our friends get together, there is a lot of talk about health and medical issues and lots of laughing over how forgetful we are all getting and how much harder it is to get up off the couch.

The best part is that we are all in this together and we can support one another and figure out most of the stuff we are worried about is normal!

So here I am a baby boomer in the sandwich generation. Trying to do what I can to help my parents in their "Golden Years", and nurturing and lending my hand to our young adult children when needed.

It is all good.