I was e-mailing today with a work professional who knows that I am in treatment for breast cancer. She asked how I was doing and I sent her back a quick e-mail and updated her. Then she wrote back something that has stuck in my head all day. She said something to the effect that she hoped after all is said and done that I would "achieve my desired outcome".
Desired outcome. It seemed like an odd way to put it. I try not to think about anything other than beating this. I felt a twinge of fear when I read her message, as it reminded me of the undesirable outcomes that could happen and do happen for some women.
I think about all the women I know who are survivors and assume I will be one of them. But today, those words, desired outcome, shook me some. I started to think about what would happen if this illness does not play out the way I pray for it to.
I was walking through the grocery store after work wheeling my carriage around the store in sort of a daze feeling sad as I thought of different scenarios that could happen. Then I got mad at her for wording her message the way she did and mad at myself for ever telling her I was undergoing all of this. Then I realized that I was just having a normal dose of fear which is common for someone diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, I didn't allow myself to think sad thoughts for too long and I felt better and let go of all those negative thoughts invading my mind.
My desired outcome is to be cancer free and healed. And so it is.
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4 comments:
Of course your desired outcome is to be cancer free. Sheesh. What else would it be? Yes, I have to say that was worded all wrong, and most likely she didn't mean it that way. But don't people read over what they write BEFORE they hit send? Don't let it get to you any longer if you can help it. It's unimportant. Chalk it up to stupidity, or perhaps open mouth, insert foot. Either way, let it go if possible. Big hugs friend. Really. :)
Very strange wording indeed, but like Jamie said, I don't think she meant it the way it came out.
A healthy dose of fear is perfectly normal as long as you are able to move through it. You have an amazing attitude, you're doing all you can to be kind to yourself & you're gonna come through this just fine. Better than fine is my prediction.
Have a restful, peaceful weekend.
If anyone can get through life without having some kind of daily "twinge of fear," they're not paying attention. We're all as vulnerable as eggs fresh from the hen. Yet life is good despite all that.
The friends before me said this so well. Really, what other outcome would you want than to eradicate the cancer? Seems like she was trying hard to be politically correct, but failed. You processed and moved on. You're good :)
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