A three day weekend! I only worked 3 days total last week and still could not wait to be off. I was hoping to get so much accomplished these 3 days, but the cumulative effects from the chemo have kept me mostly very tired and not doing much. At least I am more awake today than yesterday when I slept most of the day and never left the house.
My husband's father was moved to Hospice on Wednesday. Although they can not predict for sure, the staff there thought he might have about a week left. My husband has been bringing his mom up there every day. I am not allowed to go to the hospital due to the risk of infection to myself. Everyone understands this, but it is very weird to me to not be with the family when they are visiting him and not being part of the process. Never would I have ever imagined not being by my husband's side when one of his parents were dying. Even though it is out of my control, I was feeling like an awful wife for awhile. Now I have let those negative thoughts go and I am just concentrating on what I can do for my husband when he is home.
This morning he wanted to go and get breakfast and bring it to the beach and eat and watch the ocean for awhile, so I dragged myself out of bed early so we could do so. Then he dropped me off home and off he went to the hospital.
My own mother has been having health issues as well. My two sisters are handling it without me. There is no way I can take time off from work to take mom to Dr. appointments because I am taking so much time off for treatments. So my sisters are on their own. I know they miss having me help out, but nothing I can do about it. I have to take care of me and there is not enough left over to take care of others.
When people see me, they alwarys remark that I look good. When I am not looking good, I am home in bed so no one sees me. What has been interesting is that a couple of people have challenged me about a couple of decisions I have made because they don't like that I am not available to them. They feel that since I look good and I am coping well with treatment that I can not decline invitations or requests. They are pretty much telling me that I can't use cancer as a reason to say NO to them. So very interesting. If I knew people were going to be like this, I would have made up some drama so they would leave me alone! LOL
My therapist always reminds me that I have cancer and that I do not have to do anything that I do not want to do and even though it is hard sometimes to say no, I know that I must do the healthy thing for myself to avoid stress. She wants me to avoid stress at all costs. So if I do not want to do something, I should not.
And since we are under more stress now than we care to have all at once, I am taking her words seriously.
When people see me, they alwarys remark that I look good. When I am not looking good, I am home in bed so no one sees me. What has been interesting is that a couple of people have challenged me about a couple of decisions I have made because they don't like that I am not available to them. They feel that since I look good and I am coping well with treatment that I can not decline invitations or requests. They are pretty much telling me that I can't use cancer as a reason to say NO to them. So very interesting. If I knew people were going to be like this, I would have made up some drama so they would leave me alone! LOL
My therapist always reminds me that I have cancer and that I do not have to do anything that I do not want to do and even though it is hard sometimes to say no, I know that I must do the healthy thing for myself to avoid stress. She wants me to avoid stress at all costs. So if I do not want to do something, I should not.
And since we are under more stress now than we care to have all at once, I am taking her words seriously.
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4 comments:
Oh, so good to hear from you, Lena.
I am so happy that you are listening to your body & not taking on any undue stress. You already have more than your share.
I know what it's like when everything just seems like it's all coming down at once. Dealing with ailing parents, no matter how old we are, just leaves you reeling. Breakfast on the beach is the best thing you could possibly do for & with each other. Take good care of yourself & enjoy these three days "off". Praying for you & your husband.
Hugs,
Maria
Isn't every damned thing we do clouded and twisted into way more than it should be? Here you are, in the physical fight of/for your life, and worrying about others that perhaps think they know more about you and your health and your well - being. It's bullcrap, I say. Try not to worry about those who think they know more, or better. Just worry about YOU and of course, your husband and his father. I am sorry that you have to go through so much all at once. You are in my thoughts, good friend. Hugs. :)
My brother and sister are both oncologists. My sister in law is also a breast cancer survivor. I wish they could see you and check on your health. They are wonderful doctors.
As always, I here in mind and spirit.
Need any internet related stuff done that I would be glad to help.
Jonathon
So much going on around you. I know it's hard to concentrate on yourself when you want to be there for others. I admire your attitude :))
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