Yesterday was two years since my father passed away. My mom had a nice memorial message in the local paper and we all put up our own on our individual Facebook pages. I was up early yesterday morning and found my self sobbing because I miss him and sobbing for all the events of these past 10 months. I was feeling emotionally drained.
This week was one of the tougher weeks for me. Since my last post I have discovered that I have an infection in the burn wound. It is quite a mess as I have been saying. It was my primary care doctor that gasped when she saw my wound who confirmed the infection through a culture. This was less than one hour coming from the radiology nurse who checked my wound and said, "Keep doing what you are doing." They have been watching me like a hawk in radiology, but failed to notice that things were turning bad, very bad. I was worried, they reassured me. I let myself be reassured even though my gut didn't think something was right.
When I called radiology the nurse was embarrassed they "missed something" and then complained about "too many hands in the stew". In my mind, thank goodness there were more hands in the stew because now I was going to get the right kind of care.
When I went back to radiology after hearing about the infection, I thought for sure they would give me a new cream as the cream I am on has not helped one bit. I have been on it for a while and they kept telling me it was the best one to be on. I was shocked that the nurse said I should continue on the cream. So this time I decided to be clear that I was not going to use that cream anymore. I wanted to try something else. She told me about a new over the counter medicine that they had seen good results with, but it could only be found out of town and insurance didn't cover it. I didn't care. I would go anywhere and spent what I had to with the hopes that I would get some relief! It was $28.00 for a small tube, but as you will see, it was well worth it.
I tried the cream that night and the very next day when I took my shower I was not wincing in pain when I washed my wound. I could not believe how fast it worked. It still was sore, but nothing like it was. I was so happy, but I realized that had I not spoken up I would still be using that crap cream and my skin would still be stinging.
I am on an antibiotic now and with the new cream to help soothe the wound, I am praying that I am on an upswing.
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6 comments:
It's true, Lena. They always tell us to trust our gut, but for some reason, we don't want to rock the boat. I get especially pissed at myself when I know that the "experts" don't always know everything yet I continue to keep them on that damn pedestal. As I just heard the other day...There are teachers & there are educators.
Me thinks us patients can educate the doctors a bit, especially when it comes to what's going on in our own bodies. Good for you for speaking up. I'm sure you'll come through with flying colours!
BTW..I too found myself in tears this week too, missing my Mom & Dad. This time of year is so hard when you're missing someone. Let the tears flow...they're healing.
Enjoy the rest of the weekend.
Hugs,
Maria
I am so glad you put your foot down and held out for something that worked. I'd have been in tears, too. It's also hard to have lost someone dear at holiday time.
Thank God for that extra hand in the stew of your healthcare!
That new cream and antibiotic sound heavenly actually. Always there is such intense joy when pain is remedied.
I, like Maria, get very angry when I find that I needed to take back my power from the experts.
It has been hard for me to trust myself to find my path in psychiatry. Then the day came when I realized I no longer needed to argue my way with my psychiatrist. He told me, and I want you also to remember this with your cancer treatment. "You know your body, better than any doctor can."
Doctors can see things we can't, but we are the only ones who know whether what they are doing is helping or hindering us. When we find a doctor that values us as an educator, as much as we need them, then we have a healing alliance!
I just want to add this for a laugh (or groan). When we are psychiatric patients I've found that "they" don't tell us to trust our gut. They tell us that, without a willingness to take medications, we are untrustworthy.
My gut usually tells me the medications are not getting to the root of my problem. The doctors tell me I am mistaken.
Continuing to read and find my own way, I have found my gut to be spot-on. Medications are for crisis, healing comes from addressing other areas of my health and meditation.
My doctor won't agree actively with me there, but at least he goes supports me on weaning, and from there I can work with a naturopathic doctor to explore other options. The world is changing and I am a part of it.
Lena, your intuition is strong and very accurate. You know your body more than anyone else. I'm glad you tried to OTC cream and it is working. Also, sometimes, especially after having loss upon loss, we need to allow ourselves to just grieve. I hope your cry was a cathartic one and you feel better.
I'm mad that you had to go through this...the infection and the terrible wound. Thank goodness for your primary doctor and the new cream. Kathy's right about trusting your intuition.
Happy New Year Lena. I hope you find JOY where you least expect it!
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