Since I came down with the infection and upon the advice of my doctor, I decided for my protection and for the protection of my family and friends that I would stop hugging people. The doctor said that I am more at risk from catching something from others than they were at getting my infection, so I decided to be diligent about keeping my personal space.
The first big hurdle was going to a family Christmas party on the 18th. I knew that there were going to be 40 of my relatives there and if you know anything about Italians, they hug and kiss upon arrival and departure. I thought that maybe I should wear a sign saying no hugging, lol! But I got there and every time someone came over to me to hug, I quickly put my hands up and said that I couldn't accept hugs because of my health. It was awkward, but I kept it up and I managed fine. Then when it was time to leave, some people forgot and came over to hug me again and I had to remind them again.
Before I went to the party, I wondered how I would feel about the hugging thing. I found that I missed hugging the people that are the dearest to me, and I felt relieved not to have to hug those folks that I didn't feel close to. My whole life long it was just taken for granted that we all hug if we are related. So I learned something new about myself, that I want my hugging to be authentic.
I didn't worry so much about the hugging when I went back to work, but I had not realized how much hugging goes on there. Due to the holiday everyone was in a hugging mood and due to my health lots of people wanted to hug me and wish me a happy and healthy New Year. So I had to turn away many hugs. But it wasn't so easy at work. Some people stopped by that used to work there (they didn't know about my diagnosis) and wanted to hug and were absolutely offended when I said I couldn't. I needed to tell them that I was under treatment for cancer and that was the reason at which point they softened. I would have not shared this information normally, but felt inclined when I saw how offended they became when I said I couldn't hug due to flu season and low resistance.
Two co-workers came up to me from behind and hugged me sayings," I know you don't want hugs, but I want to hug you anyways." They just didn't seem to get it. I had to let it go. A couple of hugs were not a big deal, I know. It was just the point of not respecting my wishes.
Now it is interesting to me how people just take it upon themselves to invade your space and how people are insulted if you don't want them to. I guess it never occurs to people that something that feels so good could cause harm.
Actually, when I got my wig, the hairdresser told me not to let people hug me because it could knock off the wig and it would be very embarrassing. I soon learned that everyone wants to hug a cancer patient and they are so quick that it is impossible at times to stop it. So I took my chances and was not assertive. This time around though, I knew to be quick about it and to stick to my guns!
I know they say for good mental health you need to have at least 12 or more (or something like that) hugs a day. That is just fine, but you need to be sure that the person you are hugging really wants to hug you back. :-)
Two co-workers came up to me from behind and hugged me sayings," I know you don't want hugs, but I want to hug you anyways." They just didn't seem to get it. I had to let it go. A couple of hugs were not a big deal, I know. It was just the point of not respecting my wishes.
Now it is interesting to me how people just take it upon themselves to invade your space and how people are insulted if you don't want them to. I guess it never occurs to people that something that feels so good could cause harm.
Actually, when I got my wig, the hairdresser told me not to let people hug me because it could knock off the wig and it would be very embarrassing. I soon learned that everyone wants to hug a cancer patient and they are so quick that it is impossible at times to stop it. So I took my chances and was not assertive. This time around though, I knew to be quick about it and to stick to my guns!
I know they say for good mental health you need to have at least 12 or more (or something like that) hugs a day. That is just fine, but you need to be sure that the person you are hugging really wants to hug you back. :-)
Posts
2 comments:
You could write a book! Never thought of the "hugs" issue.
I never thought about the hugs issue either. My family (on my mother's side) is Italian & all we do is hug even when we're pissed at each other. And I know for a fact that when I am in tremendous pain the last thing you want is for someone to get too close. I think it's sad that we have to protect our personal space due to pain & health issues. Most people don't give it a thought but pain seems to have the upper hand sometimes. Here's to a New Year, healthy & pain free, Lena.
Hugs, (LOL)
Maria
Post a Comment