Today was my last treatment for the breast cancer. One year of treatment for her-2- positive aggressive form of breast cancer. I had been planning for this day for a long time. I had envisioned that my family would be by my side and once they took the I.V. off of me we would celebrate with a cake for everyone in the treatment room. I would ring the bell smiling at my kids, my husband, my mom and sisters and my two best friends. We would all be crying with happiness. And then I would hug and kiss all the oncology staff and I would leave the treatment room with my family and friends and we would all go out to dinner. And I would be DONE!
It was not how I planned it. Instead I had my last treatment for the breast cancer tagged on to my third round of chemotherapy for the colon cancer. It all felt so anti-climatic so I didn't have anyone come to celebrate. The oncologist asked me if I wanted to ring the bell, but I didn't have the heart to do it today. We decided to wait until treatment was done for the colon cancer.
I was feeling very sad today because I had to give up a dream that I had been holding onto for this last year. I still get waves of disbelief that I am now battling another cancer.
Do not get me wrong, I am grateful that treatment for the breast cancer is done. Grateful and pleased and happy. But it is bittersweet no matter how I look at it.
Posts
5 comments:
I realize in sitting here that's there is nothing I can say that will make you feel better -- I certainly wish it were in my power to do so. I still think, however, you are incredibly strong. There will come a time for celebration -- let me know and I'll be ringing bells here for you!!
I can understand your sadness and disappointment, but one of these days you will ring that bell. In the meantime, who says you can't have a piece of cake or whatever other treat you'd like to have? (I guess chemo sometimes makes cake the last thing in the world you want, but when a day dawns that you feel like a treat, go for it.
I understand how you must feel. The end of the treatment should have been a wonderful occasion. I bet the end of the treatment for your colon will be that much more wonderful.
Right?
Thinking about you always...
Cheryl
Ah, Lena. What to say? There are no words to adequately express how sorry I feel that you are going through this. IT SUCKS just cover it. Just thank God that you got through one series of treatments & pray that this next round will be your LAST. ONE. EVER.
Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers always. Keep sharing. It helps...both us & you. Much love..
Maria
If I knew you and lived nearby, I would have gone with you and we would have taken turns ringing that bell until it fell off the wall. And, then I'd return when your treatment was finished for colon cancer...and it would fall off again. And, the staff would hide their laughter as they yelled at us and ran for the gorilla glue.
Hope you're ok.
Carin
Post a Comment