High alert

So my dad's stint in rehab was short lived. He ended up back in the hospital yesterday. It has been a crazy few days. I am so glad I am off of work so I don't have that pressure.

Last night I went to one store to pick up some gift bags for Christmas. The upcoming holiday has been the furthest thing from my mind, but I just wanted to get out and see if I could catch the spirit. I realized when I was in the store that I left my cell phone home and was unreachable if the hospital tried to call me. I began to panic a wee bit and went right to the check out line so I could get back home.

When I went to bed, I wanted to sleep in my clothes so if they called and needed us to rush in to see him, I would not have to waste time getting dressed. I talked myself out of that. I am just feeling I need to be on high alert, and trying to calm myself down.

Leftovers

Well, the holiday is over. It was the kind of holiday that I just wanted to get through and really could have skipped it completely. I know that sounds so awful and that doesn't mean I wasn't thankful, I was and I am. It is just hard to go through the motions when when there is so much going on.

My husband and I went and picked up the prepared dinners. We got enough food to feed an army, it was a very good deal. A 14 lb. turkey, stuffing, green beans, mashed potatoes, rolls, and two pies. He helped me get the food into my mom's house then took off to go to his parents' house.

As I was warming up the food the calls and texts started coming in from the rehab that dad wasn't doing well. It wasn't his health, but it was more his mood, feeling disoriented ,and wanting to come home. It wasn't pretty according to family members there. I couldn't leave the food and my mom was so tired. The calls and texts continued for a while until he settled down.

My husband and I texted all afternoon about updates on my dad and keeping up with each others food preparations.

After a very quiet dinner we left and took our turn to keep dad company. He was sleeping when we got there and it took a while to get him up. We visited for a while and fed him the very little he wanted to eat. I was relieved that he was relaxed and comfortable.

Then I went back and had dessert with my mom for a little while. When I left her house I stopped in to see my husband and his family. My husband was with his mom and dad and his brother, as all of his family live out of state and they had been here to visit for the wedding. So they were having a quiet holiday as well.

I was envious of my sisters who were off visiting their in-laws at big family gathering with home cooked dishes. But they did not even want to be there, they wanted to be with my mom. I wish we all could have managed to come together, but you know how it is with holidays and trying to split the time.

My husband and I will head over to mom's for leftovers tonight and visit with dad again. I am hoping to get to the gym to the therapeutic pool today. I am craving a swim. I always feel better when I get in the water and I so need to have that feeling of relief that I feel when I get in the pool.

Happy Thanksgiving

Well, got my dad all settled into rehab again. This time a new place since the other place was not as responsive to his needs this time around. He is the weakest he has ever been in his life and he is very scared about that. So onward we go.

My dad's sister is receiving hospice home care right now. They are saying that she will pass any day now. I want to go and visit her, but I am not because she has a serious infection that could be contagious and I can't take the chance of giving it to my dad. I have to not feel guilty about that.

This is the strangest Thanksgiving I have ever had. I am not in the kitchen cooking up a storm. We ordered our Thanksgiving dinner. Actually we ordered two meals. One for my husband's family and one for mine. We are splitting up for this holiday. It will be the first Thanksgiving we won't be spending together in 34+ years. We will be right across town from one another, so we can maybe meet for dessert!

I can't believe the holidays are upon us. I am so not ready for them. I feel like I lost a whole week at the hospital and am still feeling exhausted. I am glad I have the next few days off to catch up on sleep and start to feel the spirit of the season.

I want to thank all of you that take your time to read my blog. I have to say that your kind comments often make me tear up. I hope that someday I will be able to meet some of you.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Crisis mode

It has been such an intense week. My dad became very ill and was rushed to the hospital. He was not expected to make it through the night on Tuesday. After they did everything they could for him, it was a waiting game. We spent the entire night at the hospital.

They sent us home in the morning to get some rest when he was finally stable but still in critical condition. The nurse explained that he was at the doorway of life and death and he would decide which way he was going to go.

Later in the evening we went back to see him. He was AWAKE and coherent. They allowed all nine of us into his room and told us to surround him with love. Every time one of the grandchildren came into the room he began to cry. It was so touching to see how happy he was to have all his family there. It was astounding to see how well he was doing compared to the night before, even though he was still critical. The nurse said he was a tough old bird and a fighter. He was talking about baseball to my son and he was back to his old self.

The next day he was still stable, but later in the evening they called us and told us to get to the hospital because there were many complications and they did not think he would make it once again. We all rushed up there to find him in quite a bit of distress.

I can't go into all the details of that night but it was truly a very difficult night. Difficult because he was in distress, difficult because we thought it was the end, but the most difficult part was being told all our options and trying to make those hard decisions. What made it so hard was there were conflicting opinions between the nurse practitioner and the doctor, and families members were not on the same page. But how could we be on the same page when some of us did not even understand the options?

It was a long night, but he began to make progress and the crisis passed. We all went home to get some sleep. When I called later in they said he was better.

Fast forward two days and he is off the critical list and moved into a regular room. He is still fighting some serious health issues, but he is improving daily and holding his own.

I am still sorting out the experience of the other night. I hated feeling so ill prepared and uneducated. So I plan to do some good research so I can be more informed for the next crisis, if that is even possible.

Ordinary Day

Yesterday was just an ordinary day and one that I totally enjoyed. I had taken a comp day from work because I had worked on Saturday and Thursday evening, my husband was home from his parents' house for the weekend, and my son didn't have to go into work until the afternoon. It has been awhile since we were all home at once so we had a good deal of catching up to do, so we all went to lunch together. It was so nice.

After we came home from lunch, I received an e-mail from my older son. He was friended on Facebook by a former neighbor who lived next door to us when we lived at the apartment. My son was only 2 years old when we moved, so he doesn't recall the neighbor per say, but he remembers seeing pictures of him and his sister and us telling him about them. At the time, the neighbors were just little kids themselves, around 6 and 10. We haven't seen them for 28 years.

So imagine my surprise to read the email that he forwarded to us from the neighbor who is now 38 years old! He told my son that he remembered me when I was pregnant with him and when he first walked, and now nice my husband and I were to the family. He said they were talking about us the other day and wondering what happened to us. So he looked my son up on Facebook. He said it was cool to see my son as a grown up married man.

Something so small, just made my day. Those kids were so sweet and they loved coming over to play with my son who was a baby/ toddler when we lived there. They were the happiest and in the neighborhood, but didn't have kids their own age to play with.

He hoped we remembered them, so I was excited to friend him right away to tell him of course we remember them! My husband scanned a picture of him and my son from our old photo album and e-mailed it to him.

So we all friended one another and I got caught up on the last 28 years of his life from his Facebook albums. Facebook is really amazing the way it connects people. Astounding isn't it?

I seemed to get on a roll yesterday afternoon and started organizing my part time business because I had stuff all over the house from it. Starting the business in the middle of all the wedding prep wasn't the best idea, but I think I have finally made sense of everything and can devote some time to it now.

We stayed in last night because it was a cold rainy evening and just ordered Chinese food and watched the rest of the Curb Your Enthusiasm DVD.

Just a nice quiet rainy Friday night.

Turning the corner

Looks like the elders are starting to make some progress. My dad is working hard in rehab and they feel he needs just a couple more weeks to build endurance and they believe they will have him walking with a walker by then. He doesn't seem to be bouncing back like last time though, as he has been confused some and often back in bed by late afternoon. So when I go to see him after work, he is so tired that it looked like he wasn't making progress and we thought he was giving up. It was nice to find out today that wasn't the case, and he was going to all of his sessions and giving it his all.

My husband is still at his parents' house. They are getting better as well. His mom is up after being ill in bed for a week, and she is getting stronger every day. His dad will be heading back to day care tomorrow, and hopefully they will be on their normal schedule. His brother is coming to relieve him tomorrow for a couple of days so he can come home! Maybe by next week, he can wean himself away from staying there 24/7.

I have been visiting my dad, keeping my mom company and helping out my husband with grocery shopping and some cooking. He is a great cook and has been making meals for his parents for the most part.

So it goes. We are trying to figure out what to do for Thanksgiving. We may decide to split up. He go to his parents and I go to mine and we will cook for both. It isn't convenient for either set of elders to leave their homes, so that is how I will plan to do it so that everyone gets a turkey dinner!

The other night I was very moved when I was visiting my dad. He had a new room mate who was having a terrible time and the poor man was screaming out and trying to rip off his clothes. The staff could not seem to make him comfortable. My dad wasn't in good shape that night, he was so tired and in pain and the nurse came in to give him his meds and all my dad could talk about was how sorry he felt for the man. He never complained about him at all. It made me want to cry. I didn't think I could last all night in that room with all that noise, but all my dad had was compassion for the poor soul.

Last week was hectic. On Sunday my dad had another fall and he was rushed to the ER and admitted. So that meant spending all day at the hospital while they s l o w l y took tests and finally got him settled into a room. Long day.

On Tuesday, my mother in law became very ill and she needed full time care. She is the care taker for my father in law who had just came home from rehab. There was no choice except for my husband to move in and take care of both of his parents. It is hard when both sides of elders are having a crisis! My husband's brother came down for the weekend to take a turn taking care of them so my husband got two days off.

Hopefully, my dad will be able to come home soon, and my mother in law will begin to feel better this week.

I had to work today at a resource fair. I wish I had a job that did not have occasional Saturdays and evenings. I resent giving up my personal time at this point in my life. I so need my weekends to regroup and recuperate from the week.

When I got home from work, my husband and I took a ride to our favorite fish house and had our favorite dinners. In the summer it is overflowing with people and all the outside picnic tables are full. Tonight, empty tables inside and dark and lonely outside. Summer is so over.

Tonight we watched another DVD of Curb Your Enthusiasm with Larry David. We find it a pretty funny show and since we do not have HBO we are catching up with it on Netflix. I enjoy shows more on DVD's because of no commercials and we can watch two or three in a row.

Tomorrow I will visit my dad again and also try to spend some time with my mom. I know it is hard on her when he is not at home.

Between all of the elders taking turns going to ER, admission to the hospital, and then rehab, it is all becoming so normal to me. Now I know what to expect and how long things take, so I make sure I arm myself with magazines and snacks to help pass the time waiting for the tests and doctors, etc.

I don't know how much longer both sets of parents can continue living in their homes without more support.