All of a sudden the weather turned hot and humid and it felt like summer all weekend. It was nice to have a 3 day weekend and we took off for the Berkshires for a concert on Saturday night. We saw Arlo Guthrie at the Guthrie Center which was the setting for the movie, Alice's Restaurant. We have been going up there for years and haven't been in awhile so it was nice to visit there again.
Today we hung out a little bit in Stockbridge before we headed home.
Tomorrow I am meeting with my employer to discuss my job as I am heading into chemotherapy on Thursday. From what I am told and from what I have read, everyone has a different experience with treatment and if there are side effects they happen 3-7 days after the infusion. Those can be days when many cancer patients may choose to stay home and not work depending on the severity.
I am lucky, as my boss says she will be flexible with my time and is willing to see how this all plays out. Usually after the first round, you know what your pattern is going to be.
I think I have said everything that I could say about chemo in my other posts. Friends tell me that I am brave, but I don't feel brave. Being brave is feeling afraid and choosing to do something anyways. I don't really have a choice about treatment, there is only one standard treatment and if I want to beat this cancer, I must go for it. So here and now I can say that I HATE it when people tell me I am brave. Just saying.
I still hope when I go to bed at night that I will wake up the next morning from this nightmare. I still cry once in awhile during the night and my husband will hold me and let me cry it out. Although most of the time, I am just going through my normal days trying to work and do stuff with friends and make lots of decisions.
People tell me that I have a good attitude. That part hasn't been hard up until now and I hope I can still keep up the good attitude if the situation turns more difficult. So many are praying for me and one of my cousins is walking in my honor at a Relay for Life in June in MA. I have tons of support, how lucky am I?
I will be losing my hair and I have dragged my feet on getting a wig, so that will be on the agenda this week. I have a prescription for 2 wigs. Although I stopped dying my hair years ago, I think I will get one wig gray and one wig with color for fun. Why not? I look forward to freaking people out with new color hair. I need to have some fun!
Today we hung out a little bit in Stockbridge before we headed home.
Tomorrow I am meeting with my employer to discuss my job as I am heading into chemotherapy on Thursday. From what I am told and from what I have read, everyone has a different experience with treatment and if there are side effects they happen 3-7 days after the infusion. Those can be days when many cancer patients may choose to stay home and not work depending on the severity.
I am lucky, as my boss says she will be flexible with my time and is willing to see how this all plays out. Usually after the first round, you know what your pattern is going to be.
I think I have said everything that I could say about chemo in my other posts. Friends tell me that I am brave, but I don't feel brave. Being brave is feeling afraid and choosing to do something anyways. I don't really have a choice about treatment, there is only one standard treatment and if I want to beat this cancer, I must go for it. So here and now I can say that I HATE it when people tell me I am brave. Just saying.
I still hope when I go to bed at night that I will wake up the next morning from this nightmare. I still cry once in awhile during the night and my husband will hold me and let me cry it out. Although most of the time, I am just going through my normal days trying to work and do stuff with friends and make lots of decisions.
People tell me that I have a good attitude. That part hasn't been hard up until now and I hope I can still keep up the good attitude if the situation turns more difficult. So many are praying for me and one of my cousins is walking in my honor at a Relay for Life in June in MA. I have tons of support, how lucky am I?
I will be losing my hair and I have dragged my feet on getting a wig, so that will be on the agenda this week. I have a prescription for 2 wigs. Although I stopped dying my hair years ago, I think I will get one wig gray and one wig with color for fun. Why not? I look forward to freaking people out with new color hair. I need to have some fun!
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4 comments:
I love concerts! I'm glad you had a nice weekend. I'm so glad you have an understanding boss. That would really suck if you had THAT to worry about too. I was recently in a position with a health scare and had lots of people praying for me and I know what an amazing feeling that is...I hope it warms your heart as much as it did mine. I found it very comforting. I think it is great you want to have fun with the wigs....you might just want to do scarves and hats though. I think they would be much more comfortable. I need to ask you something so please write me back ok? Be well!
Okay --- so you aren't brave. Hmmm..don't get pissy, but really you are. Yes, I understand no choice but it IS up to you so you COULD decide no chemo, and that makes you brave. So...I am just being practical here.
Yes---get fun wigs. Losing your hair will really suck. I can only imagine. I have threatened for years to shave my head, half meaning it. Having the choice taken from me however, that's a different deal. There could be alot of good come out of that part, though. Often hair grows back in way better than before. Different color, texture...you know. It could be the best thing that ever happened to your hair. But yes, that part will suck. I say go for wild and fun wigs. Learn to wear hats and scarves and wear your bald head proudly. It does after all, mean something. It means that you chose life. It is temporary. If I were near you, I would consider shaving mine in support of you.
You can do all of this, and you can do it without fear and with dignity. That's just the kind of (the word that starts with B that I am not allowed to say :) woman you are.
Biggest hugs. Please write and let us (me) know how you are doing, okay? :)
Yes! Fun wigs! A million hugs!
So it's hot and steamy in CT too? I thought summers there were a little bit cooler than down here, just over the Mason-Dixon line. When we first move to MD, we couldn't believe how hot and humid it could get.
At the risk of angering you, you do have courage. It's okay to be afraid -- you'd have to be a hanging salami not to be!
Also, you do have a choice. You could be like some and refuse treatment, but you didn't do that. You've decided to fight. I say that makes you brave.
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