Birthday

Friday, July 1 was my birthday. We are usually away on vacation on my birthday, but we weren't leaving until Saturday this year so it meant I would be home for my birthday! I was pretty excited about that because although it was always nice to be on Cape Cod and do fun stuff on my birthdays, I missed being with my family. 

So since I was going to be around we decided to meet up at my mom's house and have pizza and cake.

It was also the first time I would be seeing everyone since I lost all of my hair. I decided not to wear my wig, because I have been wearing a hat and I find that so much easier.

My 91 year old aunt S.  has been praying the Rosary for me every day. It brings me such comfort and a feeling of being loved and cared for. When S. walked into the room  at my party and saw me in my hat and realized my hair was all gone, she became very emotional. It made me feel sad for her that she was sad for me, if that makes any sense at all.  Her eyes just welled up in tears and I just held her and told her that I was OK and doing fine.

Truth was, I felt so sick that night. I came home from work in the afternoon and went straight to bed. I almost thought I should skip the party because I had such awful GI side effects still going on. But it was MY PARTY and I had to be there. So I forced myself out of that bed and got ready to go and packed emergency clothes just in case. 

Funny thing... once I got there I started to feel better little by little. I even decided to take a piece of pizza knowing that it would be the worst thing I could eat and that I would pay dearly for it, but funny thing, I did fine with it. All my GI issues seemed to settle down. 

We were all sitting in a big circle in the living room of my mom's small apartment. My sisters, my aunts, my mom, my brother in law, my niece and nephew and my own tribe. We were laughing so much and having such a good time. My son was making us laugh so hard we could not catch our breaths and tears were coming. I love laughing like that. 

And then it was time for birthday cake! It was the first time in years that I had a roomful of family sing "Happy Birthday" to me. I made sure I really, really listened to each individual voice in the mix. Everyone who loves me the most in the whole world was singing to me. It was overwhelming  and moving to me and I got all teary eyed and just let their voices wash over me like a healing wave. 

We had forgotten to bring the birthday candles and mom didn't have any. So we  just all collectively made one wish at the same time.We had our cake and enjoyed the rest of the evening. I was thinking how much better I  felt and I was so glad that I pushed myself out of that bed to go. I needed to be with all of my family and being the guest of honor brought some good energy to me. 

My other family members handled the new me with no hair fine and my sister gave me some new hats to sport. She didn't mind when I took off the old hat in front of her and saw me bald. I don't want to have to hide, but if someone can't handle it, I understand completely, too. 

My mother was happy to have her little apartment filled with family and sharing good times. It was a great evening for all of us! 

The next day, I got the doctor's approval to go on my vacation because my blood counts are still good! I am slightly anemic and I do feel more tired because of that, but that is just the chemo catching up with me. 

So I am writing this first post from  Cape Cod. We are relaxing and trying to have good vacation like we always have up here. Cancer can just sit in the back seat while we are off enjoying the sights.