Drama

There was a good bit of drama while we were trying to make arrangements for my dad's funeral. We had a relative who was very fond of my dad and he took it upon himself to tell us he was planning on delivering dad's eulogy. While we understood he was very close to him growing up, one of the grand daughters had already been asked to deliver the words of remembrance, and the church only allowed one person to speak. We all wanted our niece to do the speaking, so we had to call the relative and thank him for offering but we had already appointed someone. It didn't go well. He was very hurt. It felt awful having to hurt some one's feelings, but it also felt very uncomfortable having someone outside our immediate family making decisions that were ours to make. This situation snowballed and it made a stressful time even more difficult.

Our ethnic background is very patriarchal, and since we don't have brothers, I think it was just assumed that a close male relative should speak, and the closest male relative took it upon himself to appoint himself.

Change is always hard, but we busted that patriarchal tradition and had my niece speak about her grandfather. She did a beautiful job. While she spoke about my father, her theme of family and love was so universal that so many of the men in the church could relate. I have never seen so many men crying at a funeral.

As the only grand-daughter, my niece and my dad had a special bond. He called her his Miss America. We were all so proud of her and impressed with how poised she was speaking because it wasn't an easy thing to do.