Best wishes to me

Today was my last radiation treatment! 33 treatments over 7 weeks. When I sat up on the table after the last treatment, the balloon above was waiting for me anchored by a little bag with a blessing stone.  The technicians and the nurse hugged me, and I cried. They gave me their best wishes for a happier and healthier new year.

I think it always startles people when I cry because they always ask why am I crying? Same thing happened the last day of chemo. Both times I said that I was relieved that it was over and that satisfies them.But I think for me it is more than that. I am crying for everything. Crying that I had cancer, crying over the treatment, crying because of everything that is associated with cancer and how it has changed my day to day life.And relieved that I got through another phase.

It surprises me that people don't realize that, but I guess you wouldn't if you have never been through it or are not much of a crier. I am a crier and I am OK with it. 

My skin is a mess. I have open wounds that are raw and stinging me every second of the day. I am still going to need to stick to the regime of creams and ban on certain products until my skin heals. When my skin heals, then I will feel like I am done!

But there is no grass growing under my feet. I will be back at the hospital tomorrow for my Herceptin drip. Every three weeks until the end of May. And then there is hormone therapy. I still have a long way to go. The technicians asked if I was going out to celebrate.No, I am not celebrating. Don't get me wrong, I am so happy that it is all done and over with, but for some reason it is sort of anti-climatic. I still have lots of treatment to go, so I will wait until that last treatment of Herceptin and then it will be party time!