I have a hard time allowing people to do nice things for me (people outside of my family) and right now people want to do more nice things for me than usual. Last Monday I was at the office waiting for a call with results from my biopsy; I was full of anxiety. No one at work knew that I was waiting for any results.
As I was passing through the hallway, a colleague asked me how I was. I said that I was having a tough day but was hoping it would get significantly better by the afternoon. N. stopped what she was doing and asked me if there was anything she could do to help my day get better sooner. Wasn't that sweet? So I said to her that she couldn't do anything because I was waiting for a call with some news, but she could say a prayer. She didn't pry and said of course she would say a prayer for me.
On Tuesday, I ran into N. again and I told I still had not heard anything. Later in the day, I got the call from my doctor's office that they wanted me to come in and talk to him. I knew they were calling me in for bad news. At that point, I got upset and grabbed my tea cup and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. As soon as I saw N. I started to cry. She came over to me put her arm around me and I laid my head on her shoulder. She said, "Is the news about you?" I shook my head yes, I told her that I would be going in an hour to see the Dr. to have the information confirmed, but I was certain they were going to tell me that I have breast cancer. She allowed me to cry and she gave me words of encouragement.
Then she wanted to make me the cup of tea and toast me a bagel. Right away, I am telling her no, no, I can make a cup of tea myself, even though my hands were shaking. Then I realized she wanted to do something to comfort me. So I stepped back, put my hands up and said, "OK, if you want to do that for me, I will accept your sweet offer." N. said, "People like me need to help in a situation like this."
I went back into my office and in a few N. came in with a steaming hot cup of tea and a toasted bagel. I thanked her, she said it wasn't much, but to me it meant the world. At a time when I just wanted to fall into my husband's arms or even my mother's arms and they were not there, N. was an angel who was. And I allowed her to comfort me, which is a new thing for me.
I have a feeling I am going to get a lot more practice.
As I was passing through the hallway, a colleague asked me how I was. I said that I was having a tough day but was hoping it would get significantly better by the afternoon. N. stopped what she was doing and asked me if there was anything she could do to help my day get better sooner. Wasn't that sweet? So I said to her that she couldn't do anything because I was waiting for a call with some news, but she could say a prayer. She didn't pry and said of course she would say a prayer for me.
On Tuesday, I ran into N. again and I told I still had not heard anything. Later in the day, I got the call from my doctor's office that they wanted me to come in and talk to him. I knew they were calling me in for bad news. At that point, I got upset and grabbed my tea cup and went into the kitchen to make a cup of tea. As soon as I saw N. I started to cry. She came over to me put her arm around me and I laid my head on her shoulder. She said, "Is the news about you?" I shook my head yes, I told her that I would be going in an hour to see the Dr. to have the information confirmed, but I was certain they were going to tell me that I have breast cancer. She allowed me to cry and she gave me words of encouragement.
Then she wanted to make me the cup of tea and toast me a bagel. Right away, I am telling her no, no, I can make a cup of tea myself, even though my hands were shaking. Then I realized she wanted to do something to comfort me. So I stepped back, put my hands up and said, "OK, if you want to do that for me, I will accept your sweet offer." N. said, "People like me need to help in a situation like this."
I went back into my office and in a few N. came in with a steaming hot cup of tea and a toasted bagel. I thanked her, she said it wasn't much, but to me it meant the world. At a time when I just wanted to fall into my husband's arms or even my mother's arms and they were not there, N. was an angel who was. And I allowed her to comfort me, which is a new thing for me.
I have a feeling I am going to get a lot more practice.
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7 comments:
I am assuming YOU are the one who normally reaches out to help others. It feels good to help someone, no matter how small, doesn't it? Well it is a two way street. It doesn't mean you are weak because your friends (or even a stranger) wants to help. It blesses them and it comforts you. You are at the very beginning of an uncharted voyage. It's going to be rocky and you are going to need a life vest and someone to help you back on the ship. Let them help. I am hopeful you have a good doctor and lots of help and that your recovery is swift and permanent. I wish you well.
PS, I know you don't know who I am but I have been following you for years now. Best of luck to you!
Jamie said...
I have always been the helper, and am no good at being the help-ee. I know how you feel. I hope that you can come to terms with all that is going on, and get in tune with it so that the treatment can work. If you are like me, this is going to be the hardest part for you. I am praying for just that...
Profound truth for many, many habitual helpers in this post. BTW, "One Cup of Tea" is the pen name of my favorite Japanese poet, Issa. He was an 18th century Buddhist priest who expressed his feelings about life--the bitter an the sweet-- in 17-syllable haiku.
It IS difficult to let others do for us, but it's also important that we let others do these kind acts for us. N. is just one of many angels.
It's been almost a week since you posted and I'm just getting here now. How are you? I wish I could be one of those there to lift your burden.
Hey --- what's going on, how are you, etc.? Just wondering...you know us old moms, we do worry. :)
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