The other day when I stopped by my parents house to say good-bye I stood in front of the big picture window in the living room and thought about all the times growing up I stood in that exact spot. The many times when I was waiting for my boyfriend (now my husband) to come and pick me up for a date. In those days, I could see all the way down to the beginning of the street waiting for his car to come around the bend. Now I notice that the road is over grown with trees and you can't see a car coming until it is ready to pull in the drive way. Gee ,when did those trees get so big?
I would stand at the window and wait for my dad to come home from the farm buildings or fields that used to be across the street or see my grandmother coming up the driveway sweeping all the dirt and dust from the farm away from her house. All those buildings are now long gone, torn down and the land sold, with an strip mall in its place.
I stood by the window for a long time thinking about when I was girl and all the things that I wanted in my life and how so much of it has come true. A husband and a solid marriage, children, a home of our own.
My husband reminds me that I have lived in our house longer than the house I grew up in. I know the math is right, but it still doesn't feel that way. We were in my parents' home just about every week for Sunday dinner, so in some ways I never left.
I just wanted to stay stuck in that spot in front of the window and get lost in memories because I I stood there now with cancer and I was afraid of the future. I know that I need to be positive but in that moment I was scared to leave, I wanted to be that healthy girl who used to stand at the window again. After a while I was able to step back and get my things and get ready to leave.
When I turned around I saw such a beautiful light on the wall behind me from the picture window. It was perfect for making shadows, so I started to fool around and make all kinds of shadow pictures. My husband had his camera and started taking shots.
In this shot I was trying to give the house one great big hug. The shots didn't come out that great, but it was fun.
Some day I will be cancer-free again and this photograph will remind me of the day I said good-bye to the house a few weeks after my diagnosis and I will remark about how far I have come.
I would stand at the window and wait for my dad to come home from the farm buildings or fields that used to be across the street or see my grandmother coming up the driveway sweeping all the dirt and dust from the farm away from her house. All those buildings are now long gone, torn down and the land sold, with an strip mall in its place.
I stood by the window for a long time thinking about when I was girl and all the things that I wanted in my life and how so much of it has come true. A husband and a solid marriage, children, a home of our own.
My husband reminds me that I have lived in our house longer than the house I grew up in. I know the math is right, but it still doesn't feel that way. We were in my parents' home just about every week for Sunday dinner, so in some ways I never left.
I just wanted to stay stuck in that spot in front of the window and get lost in memories because I I stood there now with cancer and I was afraid of the future. I know that I need to be positive but in that moment I was scared to leave, I wanted to be that healthy girl who used to stand at the window again. After a while I was able to step back and get my things and get ready to leave.
When I turned around I saw such a beautiful light on the wall behind me from the picture window. It was perfect for making shadows, so I started to fool around and make all kinds of shadow pictures. My husband had his camera and started taking shots.
In this shot I was trying to give the house one great big hug. The shots didn't come out that great, but it was fun.
Some day I will be cancer-free again and this photograph will remind me of the day I said good-bye to the house a few weeks after my diagnosis and I will remark about how far I have come.
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6 comments:
That is exactly what you will do. I really enjoyed the pic you took there. Xo to you. Stay strong. :)
Such beautiful tulips in that bright, red vase. Many of your dreams as a young girl came true, and so will your new dream of restored health.
Yes, you will do just that.
You're doing just the right thing...visualizing your recovery. You've come so far already.
Hey, cancer is f'in scary, no doubt about it. You seem to be doing what you can, doing the best you can and going step by step. I'm sure you realize that if you are going to have cancer it's better to have it now than it was to have it ten years ago. Many of my friends are now on the other side,recovered and doing well.
Still, scary is scary.
Take care. May 2. My thoughts are with you.
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