Before the storm

Maybe it is the full moon. I am so sappy sad tonight and have been sitting here looking at old pictures from my childhood. So many pictures of the house. Missing my dad, the house, my hair, my old life. Not liking my scars, the pain, the numbness,  the side effects that I know are coming this weekend and some that will last for a couple of weeks. 

Last night my husband and I were tired from a long day at chemo and he was falling asleep on the couch. The phone rings at 9:00 P.M. His dad was being taken from the Assisted Living to the hospital. He has vascular dementia and has been in a residential setting for about 6 months. Often we get calls that he is going to the hospital for one reason or another and off my husband goes. I felt so bad for him last night though after spending his whole day in the hospital with me and then needs to go to the ER with his dad. 

FIL has pneumonia again. Last time we almost lost him, right now he is stable, but who knows. He doesn't know any or our names any longer. He doesn't read, watch TV, or do anything anymore. Just wants to eat and sleep. He was a civil engineer and a very active man. It is hard to see how much he has gone downhill, but there is nothing any of us can do. I was feeling guilty some last night  because I was more worried about my husband and the stress he is under care taking me, his dad, and his mom.

And the hurricane is coming. Sunday will be my hardest day with my chemo side effects. I can't be alone. My head gets too fuzzy and I can't even think. My mother in law could not be alone in a hurricane either. We could have had her come here, but I so need privacy during this time. God that sounds so selfish but it is true. I don't want anyone else seeing me like that.

My husband  reached out to his brother to come and help us out. He tries to come down on occasion and  help, but it can never be enough for all we need, especially now with me trying to recover. My brother in law stepped up to the occasion and is coming tomorrow to stay with her. She will be happier in the comfort of her own home and so will I. I am grateful we have my brother in law and that he was willing to come so my husband didn't feel torn once again between  me and his mother. My husband said he feels like he has two days off from care taking and it feels good to him. Even though he will be here waiting on me some when I am not passed out.

With all we have going on a hurricane is just making this life a whole lot more stressful! I am praying it will not be as bad as they say. We are getting automated calls from the power company already saying that if power goes out, it will be out for a few days! Yikes! No FB, Blogs, Words with Friends, e-mail.. I will go crazy!

All kidding aside.  I just want everyone to be safe and sound and get through this storm! Hope you are all prepared and I will be thinking and praying for you all.