Day off

I took the day off today to take my mother to the doctor. She needed to get a third opinion about her eye. She had a cataract removed in March and she has been having complications since. The specialist she was referred to is right around the corner from my house. But I had to drive up to her town which is 25 minutes away to pick her up and bring her. Doctor said her eye looks good, but she should be seeing better, so he will have her eye doctor tweak her glasses. Whew, good news, finally.

After the appointment we came to my house. She hasn't been here in a while. She wanted to see our new laminate floor and my husband's latest painting. My son was home and the 3 of us went out to Panera Bread for lunch. My son is driving her back home now to save me another trip.

I was in a very panicky kind of mood this morning, so it was good I had something to distract myself with, and focus on my mom instead of myself.

I am scheduled for more medical procedures on Thursday and Friday. My appointments last week got cancelled because they could not get the insurance approval in time.

My doctor has assured me not to stress that even if it is what they suspect, it is treatable. So day to day I am struggling keeping negative thoughts at bay. Last night I dreamed I went in for the testing. When I arrived there were two lines. One for a funeral and my sister was waiting in that line. The doctor came out and pulled me into the testing room. I somehow walked away while I was waiting for him to set up and I was walking outside of a hospital checking on the tulips that I had planted all around the building. He came to get me for the tests, and that is all I remember.

Everyone knows how nerve wracking it is to have medical tests and stay relaxed until you know what there is to worry about, or not. I am just aware of how negative my thoughts become and I try so hard to give myself positive messages. So it is about 50/50. Half the time I am thinking disaster and half the time I am in the now. Life long habits are hard to break for me.

When my son was driving away with my mom, I was in the garage and the door to the house was locked. I couldn't get in the house and in that instant I thought I was locked out. I didn't wait for the garage door to open completely because he was driving away and I got on my knees and crawled under the barely open garage door while screaming my son's name.

He saw me and stopped the car to tell me that the front door was open. I wish you could have seen the look on his face.... like psycho mom was crawling out of her cave. I am laughing now, but man... my poor knees are sore from crawling on the cement! My knee is not in good shape as it is... what was I thinking??