My first birthday in the house I grew up inWe closed on the sale of the house where I grew up in today. I have been preparing myself for this day for awhile now. Many of you know that my husband and I almost bought the house ourselves, but then had second thoughts when we realized we were doing it for the wrong reasons.
So now that it is done, this is what I have to say: I am incredibly sad. I sob when I think about how I will never be able to go there again. It has so many memories of my dad (who passed away a year and a half ago) and I will miss going there and feeling his spirit in the house.
Yet, in some divine business deal I believe the family who is moving in is exactly who should be buying the house. They are an Italian family ( like us) and they are coming from the same city to the suburbs like my mom did when she moved there. They want to plant a garden where my dad has his garden in the backyard. And they wanted to keep the shed in back of the house that used to be a porch on the house so it is an original part of the house. At first the realtor said we should knock it down, but the buyer's wanted it, and I was so glad they were keeping it.
They are an older couple with children in middle school. This is their first home. The kids were so excited, they had their bedrooms all picked out. The girl looks like my niece. The mother loves to cook like my mom does and they said they have big family parties like we did gowning up.
All of this makes me incredibly happy and I sob tears of joy.
It is all good, but bitter sweet and I am letting all the feelings just come when they want to. It just reminds me how absolutely wonderful it is to love something so very much that I can be so moved.
I know that house will forever be in my heart. I know that because I dream about it all the time and I am aware that I always will be able to go back to the security of my childhood and the love of my family. I don't need the house to feel my dad's spirit, I learned that in my first chemotherapy. He was there for me and I can call on him anywhere.
I will just walk through this pain and also this joy because having the house sold is also a relief. It has been so expensive and difficult keeping it up. A new family will love it and make their own memories in it. A family I would have hand picked had I had the opportunity.
It is all good.
Yet, in some divine business deal I believe the family who is moving in is exactly who should be buying the house. They are an Italian family ( like us) and they are coming from the same city to the suburbs like my mom did when she moved there. They want to plant a garden where my dad has his garden in the backyard. And they wanted to keep the shed in back of the house that used to be a porch on the house so it is an original part of the house. At first the realtor said we should knock it down, but the buyer's wanted it, and I was so glad they were keeping it.
They are an older couple with children in middle school. This is their first home. The kids were so excited, they had their bedrooms all picked out. The girl looks like my niece. The mother loves to cook like my mom does and they said they have big family parties like we did gowning up.
All of this makes me incredibly happy and I sob tears of joy.
It is all good, but bitter sweet and I am letting all the feelings just come when they want to. It just reminds me how absolutely wonderful it is to love something so very much that I can be so moved.
I know that house will forever be in my heart. I know that because I dream about it all the time and I am aware that I always will be able to go back to the security of my childhood and the love of my family. I don't need the house to feel my dad's spirit, I learned that in my first chemotherapy. He was there for me and I can call on him anywhere.
I will just walk through this pain and also this joy because having the house sold is also a relief. It has been so expensive and difficult keeping it up. A new family will love it and make their own memories in it. A family I would have hand picked had I had the opportunity.
It is all good.
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4 comments:
What a beautiful family picture! I know how hard it is not to have "home" to go home to anymore, but as you say, the memories are in your heart, and the people you love who lived there are always near to us. It sounds like God hand-picked this family for your home, and it makes me smile to think of all the lovely memories they will make there too. A house filled with love and laughter is a beautiful thing. This learning to let go of stuff... not so fun. HUGS
I loved the picture Lena, you were (and still are) adorable...I loved the clothes you are all wearing, the items around you all. Pics like those are worth so much.
I too, am happy for you that the house sold. I imagine it must have been hard to keep up with it financially and physically, so this will be so much better. I do know and understand how you feel,though. I had similar feelings about my family home in southern Missouri, but like you, I learned that the memories cannot be sold, and they are what's important to me.
How are you feeling? The view from here tells me that you are handling everything perfectly. Is that the real truth or just my pollyanna way?
Big hugs, friend.
What a cute baby girl! It's clear she has loving parents. From what one can see of the kitchen, it looks like the center of activity. It's wonderful that the house will be home to such an appreciative family.
I remember that when it came time for Mom to sell our house, she definitely didn't like one prospective buyer who went on and on about the changes he would make. Although she liked the people who eventually bought the house, she never wanted to drive past it again.
What buona fortuna that the new family is Italian! That should make you feel better, too.
Your memories are not really in that house -- they're in your heart. Don't be sad. :(
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