Do No Harm

I have been preoccupied with an medical issue this week and have been in a lot of pain. I tend to try to tough things out, but finally decided that I needed to contact my doctor. I was supposed to check in with her in the fall for a follow up and I have been meaning to call, but now I could no longer put it off. She practices in a well known hospital in our community.

I left a message with her nurse yesterday for an appointment and asked if I could be seen relatively soon. This morning I received a message from the doctor's office. She is on a medical leave and they have no plan to replace her, don't expect her back and I need to go and find another specialist in the community as they have no one covering her patients.

While I am sorry to hear that she is having medical problems herself, I was not very happy that I was never notified she was leaving. What ever happened to customer service? And what about the Hippocratic oath?

Doctors sure charge enough. It would seem to me that they should be able to afford to send a post card out to you to warn you that you will need to find another doctor so that you can have one in place before you have an emergency. Wait, I am just being too logical or am I expecting too much concern and consideration from my health care provider?

Sesame Street

I heard today that Sesame Street is coming out with a boxed DVD set of their early years and it has a warning label on it saying that it is intended for grown ups and may not meet the needs of today's pre-school child. At first I thought it was a joke, but it is apparently true.

Looking back the producers have some concerns that the older characters were not the best of role models. In particular, Oscar the grouch, for his extreme grouchiness, and cookie monster for promoting unhealthy snacking.

There were a few other reasons they put the warning on it because in one skit one of the characters swallows a pipe, and some other concerns about safety issues.

The producers have raised their consciousnesses over the past 30 years in regards to the show and they are being socially responsible. There are many people making a big to do about this and making fun of the whole issue, but I see the producers point of view. They are just trying to do what feels right for them.

I guess the market they want to attract is the adults who grew up watching those episodes. I am curious to know if they will actually go out and buy it.

TV is an interesting topic. Lord knows most of us watch more than we should and with all the channels to chose from these days, you would think there would be better shows to choose from.

My husband and I came from 2 different worlds when it comes to TV. He grew up in a household were TV was not allowed. The TV was actually put away up in the attic. His family spent their free time reading, which served him well academically, but socially he was left out of the loop.

Growing up in my house the TV was on all day long. We watched way, way, too much TV. When my husband would come over the house to pick me up he would put his hand on the top of the TV and it would be so hot that he would say that the coffee pot could percolate on top of it.

So for our children we tried to find the balance and it was always a bit hard. But they sure did grow up on Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers right after that.

Sunday dinner retake

There is a certain serenity that Sunday gives me. I think it is the routine of going over to my parents house, the house where I grew up, and having all the family around. I like to hang out there for Sunday dinner and not have to worry about being anywhere else. My mother makes her tomato sauce and every week she will tell us that next week she will make something different. We all beg her not to, because her sauce is our comfort food, and we come seeking that comfort as well. I know my parents look forward all week to having us come over and now at this point in my life, I look forward to it as well.

There was a time many years ago, when the expectation of having to be at Sunday dinner every week was just a burden. If I didn't make it, I would feel that horrible Italian guilt. When I was younger, I took so much for granted. Now older and wiser, I go there because I want to be there, and I have a deep appreciation for family ties.

My niece was home from New York for the holiday, so it was great to have her back for Sunday dinner. I remember when she first went away to school, she would call on Sunday and we would pass the phone talking to her and she would be so sad not to be with us. My son said that he thinks of us all over there on Sundays when he is away at school as well. It is a day that we are all together in our hearts even when we are not together.

So my posts on Sundays are pretty much the same. And that is just the way I like it.

Saturday musings

We headed down to the shore today to visit an art museum. The husband was experimenting with taking panoramic shots and took this one of the mouth of the CT river before we went to the museum. I thought he did a nice job as he put 4 shots together to get this one photo.

Mundy Hepburn, nephew of Katherine Hepburn, was at the museum today displaying his glass sculptures. They were quite beautiful and delicate. He had huge glass ornaments hanging on the outside of the museum on display. I could not help but wonder how they will fare when we get strong winds or a blizzard.

It was a productive day, as we were able to get some big chores done around the house before we went out and I have all my Christmas cards addressed and ready to go!

Just a reminder about cards for wounded soldiers:

A Recovering American Soldier

c/o Walter Reed Army Medical Center

6900 Georgia Ave. NW

Washington, D.C. 20307-004

Flash Back

I was thinking about my old Gratitude Journal today and tried to find it, but I couldn't seem to locate it. Hopefully, it will turn up at some point.

I remember one day sitting on my bed writing in it, and my son came over to me to see what I was doing. On that particular day I had written in the journal that I was grateful for what a wonderful day he was having that day and how his behavior was improving. He was pretty young at the time and had always been a very impulsive and extremely active child. At that point in time he had been giving me a run for my money.

When he found out that I had written about him in my gratitude journal, he was very excited, and proclaimed, “I feel like I just won an Oscar.”

I have to say, it was very cute and I was surprised that his reaction was so intense. But he found it very motivating to be on my list and decided that he wanted to make it again. So for awhile, he was trying especially hard to make good choices so that he would make it into my gratitude journal.

As far as parenting goes, sometimes it helps to go with the flow of the child, and it may surprise you where it leads!

Simple Abundance

A few years back I saw Sarah Ban Breathnach on the Oprah show talking about her new book, Simple Abundance: A Day Book of Comfort and Joy. One of the chapters in her book talked about keeping a gratitude journal everyday. She suggested that in the journal you should write down 3 things a day (or more) that you are grateful for. I used to do that every night before I went to bed and it was pretty amazing to see that when you take the time to write about the positive things going on in your life, how much there really is to be grateful for.

As with most things, my good intentions did not last and I let that good habit slip away. As I was thinking about Thanksgiving today while listening on the radio and TV and reading in blogs what people are thankful for, I remembered my gratitude journal of a long time ago and vowed to begin keeping it again. After all, one day a year is not hardly enough to think about the things in our lives that we have that we are grateful for. It can even be something little in our day, like passing up the potato chips!

I pulled out my Simple Abundance book to begin reading it again. I have read it over a few times. It is written in essay form one for every day of the year and takes you on a spiritual journey to help you to discover your authentic self, which Sarah says is the Soul made visible.

So I am going to curl up now with one of my favorite books and read the essay for today, and begin a new gratitude journal. I can't think of a better day to start.

Turkey Day

It is over. Company has gone home, dishwasher humming along with first load of dirty dishes, and shoes are off! My dining room table is all cleared off from my grandmother's flowered china and my laptop is back in its familiar place. I am just about ready for bed.

Everything went off as planned and the day was fun. The fresh turkey we bought from Stew Leonard's was the best turkey that we have ever had. It just melted in your mouth.

The best part of the day is having both boys around. They are like their dad with their sense of humor and make me laugh so much.

My husband and the boys decided that it would be a great time to try to get some of their grandparents stories on tape. Their grandfather lived in London during the Blitz, and they got him talking about what it was like at that time in history. He was telling us about the shrapnel bouncing off his bicycle helmet as he rode his bike through the streets of London. He and the other students would all try to compete for who had been hit be the biggest pieces. He also told us how he had to take his University exams while bombs were being dropped on the city.

I listened trying hard to imagine his other life. The life he had before my husband was born, living in London, Switzerland, and Bermuda before coming to the states and settling down. Little did he know that one day he would have a son, who would marry me, a girl who never left the farm in good old New England.

We all enjoyed the stories and I don't think we have ever heard him talk quite so much about the past. The stories are now on tape for us to pass down to the next generation who will not get the opportunity to hear these stories in person.

Wednesday afternoon

Rainy and chilly outside, warm and cozy inside. Corn casserole in the oven, son home from college, Bridges of Madison County on the TV, nice quiet day of cooking, cleaning and out and about.

Kohl's is opening on Friday at 4:00 A.M. in the morning with block buster sales. There is nothing that would get me up that early to shop, even though I know it is probably worth it for the deals, if you want to play the game.

Quote of the Day

I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready, and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than we have yet got ourselves. --E.M. Forster

What books have influenced you?

One of mine: The Road Less Traveled, M.Scott Peck.

Quote of the Day

Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family.

Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.

-Jane Howard

American Music Awards

American Music Awards tonight. I was waiting all week then I forgot to turn it on until it had already started. I enjoy music award shows, as there isn't much opportunity to see recording artists on TV very often. So many artists that are new on the scene that I have never heard of, reminds me that I am getting o l d e r ... lots. Haven't seen any performances yet that I would deem outstanding, but it is still an enjoyable show.

Interesting to see a couple of American Idols giving more established artists a run for their money.

Sunday at Stew's

Sunday at my parent's house once again. Both my sisters and brother in laws there and my aunt. My mom cooks her famous sauce every Sunday and we all gather there for lunch and touch base on the weekly goings on. It means a great deal to my parents who are now well into their 80's to have the company and also an opportunity for us to tend to chores that they are no longer able to do.

We aren't spending Thanksgiving together as my one sister and I spend Thanksgiving with our in-laws. Come to think of it though, every Sunday is like Thanksgiving in my family, so it all works out in the end.

After we took off from their house, I talked the husband into going to Stew Leonard's today to pick up the turkey. We like to buy them fresh, so we tend to wait to get one, and I was feeling like it was time to buy it so I could quit thinking about getting it. The store was packed, but the crowd moved quickly and they had plenty of registers opened for easy check-out.

If you don't have a Stew Leonard's near you, too bad. It is an amazing place with farm fresh vegetables and fruits and freshly made EVERYTHING. They have free samples of many of their baked goods, meats, cheeses, crackers, soups, you name it. So it is kind of fun to go around and try new things before you purchase them.

Today they were featuring free samples of sweet potato mousse, stuffing, cranberries, corn chowder, chicken pot pie to name a few.

They also have musical mechanical puppets for the kids hanging from the ceilings singing songs (once you press a button) about the products,which can be a tad annoying, but it does keep the kids occupied.

Thanksgiving preparations

I am trying to start to get ready for Thanksgiving Dinner that will be at my house Thursday.

We are not having a big crowd, only 7 of us, and for that I am thankful! But it is still pretty much the same amount of work, because the house still needs to be spruced up and all that cooking. It is the dragging out of all the special serving dishes and china that is really the most work. But when all is said and done, it is worth every second.

The husband enjoys cooking so it is great that he will help and take care of his specialty recipes of pumpkin muffins and creamed onions, and what ever else he has in mind.

I am planning on doing the same Turkey Dinner side dishes as usual: green bean casserole, sweet potatoes, cornbread casserole, cranberry sauce, and stuffing. In-laws are bringing desserts.

I will post the Corn Bread Casserole recipe because he is so easy and quick to do and is a hit with everybody.

Corn Bread Casserole

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees

Grease 12 x9 glass dish

Put all the following ingredients into a large bowl:

1 large can of corn - do not drain

2 beaten eggs

1cup lite sour cream

1 stick melted butter

Jiffy Corn Muffin mix

Whip all ingredients together

Bake uncovered in a greased glass dish

The recipe says to bake for an 1 hour. I keep an eye on mine, it is usually done within 35-40 minutes tops.

I am so ready I wish I could start setting the table today! But that will have to wait. I am so thrilled that I am able to take Wednesday off. First time I have been able to and that will help with all the preparations so much! I have some comp time left from when I worked on a Saturday at the beginning of the month.

So I know all good hosts everywhere are busy this week-end, planning, shopping, cleaning, and cooking and most of all grateful for all the abundance in our lives.

Oprah Show

I watched Oprah today and she featured a family of hoarders. The woman was a compulsive shopper who went shopping every day and and her home was filled with piles and piles of unopened merchandise. Piles so high that they could not watch TV because they could not see over the piles.

It took 8 weeks and 100 people to clear out 75 tons of stuff from the house. It was so sad and painful to see how they were living amid all that stuff. When I was talking about clutter in one of my posts, it was nothing like this, but I suppose it is like anything else and the possibility of things getting so out of control could be around the corner if given a particular set of circumstances. Oprah made a point of telling the audience that by comparing a messy junk drawer to their home. The woman also experienced a great deal of loss in a short time and she was trying to fill up a void in her life.

The woman was a brave soul to allow the Oprah show into her world and help her to literally dig her way out. Tomorrow is part 2 and I hope I am home to see the end results.

Over the hump day

I went to dinner last night with my two friends that I have known for over thirty years. I love being with them because we laugh so much. We always have a good time because we are all so comfortable with one another. It is like having two extra sisters.

We usually try to meet for dinner once a month and we have jokingly dubbed these dinners, board meetings. Seemed to be that one of us would naturally end up in the hot seat during dinner, sharing either a work or personal situation which would inadvertently become the recipient of the opinions and advice of the other two. But all in all it is good to have trusted friends who you can bounce ideas off of and know that they will be straight with you when your thinking isn't too clear.

With the holidays coming up there sure was plenty to talk about as we gear up to cooking and cleaning marathons and houses filled with relatives. It all always ends up being good, but there is a certain amount of stress and dread that goes into holiday preparations. As many times as I have put on Thanksgiving, it always seems like it is the first time and I get all stressed out about how it will turn out.

I went to my Feldenkrais class again tonight. I had to do one eye exercise that was really hard to do and she said it is because I have so much tightness in my eyes. I never knew that you could hold that kind of stress in your eyes! It got a little bit easier, but that is one exercise I will need to work on. The half hour went by quickly and I liked it better than doing it a full hour.

With Monday off, the work week is going by quickly. I have an appointment out of the building at noon time tomorrow and it will be good to get out of the office for awhile.

Day Off

Day off today... and it has been so productive so far. We went down to IKEA for breakfast and did some shopping. I wish I had the camera because they have a huge, huge banner that says: Home is the most important place, and being the home body that I am, I loved it.

Husband was in a really good shopping mood which does not happen often. We went and looked at laminated flooring samples for the kitchen and dining rooms. Now we have to measure and set up a time for the guy to come for an estimate. Getting this house in shape so we can move is a goal we have had for a long time. Hopefully, we can start making good on it.

We were able to take advantage of some of the sales going on and picked up some good buys.

Now back home for the afternoon, and we are ready to put on the teapot and have a cup, before we start in on more household chores.

It is so great to have this extra day to attend to things around the house. We will be having Thanksgiving Dinner here next Thursday and there is much to do!

Sunday Dinner

Sunday dinner at Mom and Dad's house. Still going strong...now that's Italian...

Super powers

Ok, I thought I would be fair and post a favorite pic of the older son when he was 4 years old. Please don't tell them, OK? And now I will get back to the here and now. It is all good.

Little guy

When I am looking at other people's blog I come across so many posts by young mothers who are writing about their lives with their young children. They have such sweet pictures of their kids posted and have all the touching stories about motherhood and words straight out of the mouths of babes.

I am envious of the young mother bloggers, how great to post the day to day happenings of life with infants and toddlers (and all the way up) and connect with other mothers from all over the world. Who would have thought it possible?

It also makes me long to be able to go back in time when the kids were little and I was young. Our empty nest is quiet now and I miss the hustle and bustle of family life. If I ever find a time machine that is exactly where I would go to. I guess I am ready for the next phase of grandmother hood, but I think that is a bit off in the distant future for now.

My youngest son was home from college this weekend and it was great hanging out with him and catching up on his life. I was looking at old pictures tonight and found one of him that is one of my favorites from when he was about 4 years old on my dad's tractor. So I think I will post it tonight for fun.

Saturday night is all right

After I got my closet and room all organized, I made an appointment at the mall for a manicure. I am not much for getting my nails done, but decided that I could use the lift today. The manicurist is a very interesting woman. She came to American from Poland only 4 years ago and has learned English and settled into the American way of life. I loved relaxing while she did my nails and shared the challenges she and her family faced as they bravely came to a brand new country and began to make a new life for themselves. They made many sacrifices to come here and I admire people who have the courage to take that leap of faith for a better life.

After my nails were done, I decided to venture out into the mall and to my surprise it was all decked out for Christmas. The Hickory Farms Kiosk was all set up in its usual holiday spot and as I walked further I noticed that Santa was center court seeing the children. I don't remember Santa being at the mall this early when my kids were little, but hey that was years and years ago. I guess it is true that Christmas festivities start earlier every year.

My husband hates the mall so much that he pretty much refuses to go unless there is something he needs and it is the only place he can purchase it. I can't say I am a lover of malls, but sometimes when I am feeling isolated I enjoy going to the mall and walking around. I feel energized by the crowds of people (as long as there aren't massive crowds and long lines)and I find my mood is improved. Usually I run into at least one person I know, although I didn't see anyone familiar this evening.

I wondered around a little bit and started to think about Christmas shopping, knowing full well that I wouldn't actually start shopping until I am done with Thanksgiving. But it was still fun to look even though I didn't stay too long.

When I got home, my husband had dinner on the table. It is so great that he enjoys cooking because he is a really good cook. He is especially good at stir-frying. Tonight another chicken stir-fry with broccoli, onions, celery, carrots, mangoes, and cranberries on top of whole wheat pasta.

YUM-O

Out out damn clutter

I slept in today and I haven't done that in so long... that is what Saturday mornings are meant for!

I didn't know where to start this weekend, since I am so behind on my cleaning. I had no plan to start with my closet, but lo and behold, before I knew it I was taking everything out of it and all my clothes are now all on top of my bed! I am just taking a quick break now, and I will return to organize my closet and get it all set with winter clothes. When it is done, I will be thrilled to have it all organized and then it will be a matter of time before I stop putting things away so carefully and everything is all mixed up again. I do that. I never seem to take the time to keep things neat and organized, then have to devote an entire day to getting things back in order.

My disorganization can get me down. I know I feel better emotionally and perform better when things are organized and neat, yet my nature is to be in a rush all the time and throw things all over until it gets on my nerves and I need to clean things up.

So I am once again trying to stop the clutter and I am trying not to let these feelings lead to despair. I get so overwhelmed sometimes with the clutter that I feel paralyzed. I start to clean and I don't know what to do with stuff. I am a pack rat at heart I guess, but now that we have been married for over 30 years we have accumulated so many things. We are both bad about letting our stuff go.

I have read that when you can rid your home of stuff you don't need, that the energy in the house opens up and you create a better living environment. I am all for that, and a true believer.

Today, I am working on throwing clothes out that I haven't worn in forever or fit into in forever.

I am going to also do the same with all the stuff in my room.

One room at a time, I am going to try change this pattern.

Quote of the day

"I take nothing for granted. I now have only good days or great days."

~ Lance Armstrong, 21st century cyclist and 7 time Tour de France winner

This & That

Thursday night and my favorite show, The Office. I just love it so much because it makes me laugh out loud and reminds me of so many situations of offices past and present. Sometimes Michael is over the top, but he isn't really one of my favorite characters anyways. I like the rest of the cast a lot more, Dwight, Angela, Kelly, Pam, Jim, Toby, Phyllis, they all crack me up. The show is back to its half hour format and I think that works best.

Surprised to hear that Rosie was in talks with MSNBC for her own talk show. I am disappointed that it did not pan out, yet it may be a blessing in disguise. The media would have twisted her every word and made her a target again. Her message would be lost.

I wish I had seen her and Roseanne at Lincoln Center. I thought about getting tickets and making the trek because I knew I would have tripled loved it, but I am so lazy about making plans to go out of state, especially on a work day. The write-ups were fantastic, so I regret not making the effort.

There was sure a nip in the air today. I didn't expect it to be so chilly and I didn't really dress for it. I was cold all day. Guess I have to give in to wearing the fall/winter clothes from now on.

Speaking of clothes... NEWSFLASH..... it is acceptable to wear white and cream color clothing after Labor day now!! As long as the fabrics are heavy for winter. It must be true because I heard it today on the Oprah show! Some fashion expert said that the "fashion law" of no white after Labor day started down south and it pertained to shoes, but as news traveled around all white and cream colors for shoes and clothes became frowned upon after labor day.

Fashion rules make me crazy! How important are they? Who really cares? They were going on making up new fashion rules on the show today, like sneakers should only be worn at the gym and not in public. I turned off the TV, I don't want to be told how to dress, what colors I can wear and that I can't wear my sneakers!!! Oprah is too much into beauty and fashion lately... I hardly watch her anymore.

A three day weekend is coming up... yippee!

Feldenkrais

Today was a good catch up day at work. I was able to get a handle on all my work which was piling up because I had to spend so much time on the keynote event. I am so glad that event is over and that it went off as well as it did.

I stayed an extra hour after work to finish cleaning up and organizing my office before I went to class. No sense going home and coming back in to town when my class was only up the street.

I have started taking Feldenkrais classes and today was my second one. I am hoping that the movement classes will help with my range of movement and even help me with some pain management. I know for the exercises to really benefit me, I will need to practice them at home. I plan to try to do some every day. Just after a half hour session today, I could tell that they made a difference in my range of movement. It is all about awareness of bad habits and learning not to make the body do so much work to move. The biggest thing I realized is how I tense up my body so much, and that will be the number one thing I aim to change.

Sunday night and all is family

My husband's mother collapsed the other day and ended up in the hospital undergoing all sorts of tests to see what caused this incident. She is home now with a newly diagnosed condition, but it is manageable and she will be OK.

We are what is called the sandwich generation, baby boomers with elderly parents and our own grown children all of whom need our attention and support.

Both sets of parents are well into their 80's and are in relatively good enough health to be living in their homes and leading independent lives for the most part, but they still need lots of looking in on and a fair amount of help with household chores. We feel so lucky to have both sets of parents able to be in their own homes and still able to enjoy so many memory making family gatherings.

So today was a day to catch up with both sides of the family. We did some grocery shopping for the in-laws and spent a little while at their house. Then we drove across town to have lunch with my family and help out with some chores for my dad. While my husband was down the cellar doing the chores, my dad stood at the top of the stairs in his walker calling down to him. I was a bit nervous with him so close to the top of the stairs being so unsteady on his feet, but I didn't say a word to him. I know he wanted to go down stairs so badly to help out my husband. My dad misses doing those simple house hold chores for himself. He is tired of sitting around all day, not being as productive as he used to be.

We did our best to visit and help out with both sides of the family, and give them some company. We know that although our parents have their spouses, it still gets lonely for the both of them all week and they love when any of us "kids" come over to visit.

So now I am back at home to get ready for the work week. I have my lunch already made and now I will spend time doing the laundry for the week.

I don't know why on some of my posts, that the spaces between the paragraphs don't hold when I publish. My blog looks sloppy and I don't know how to fix it.

Joni Mitchell

Woke up it was a Sunday morning and the first thing on my mind was that Joni was going to be on CBS Sunday Morning. Me and Joni go way back. Over 30 years ago I was about to be a blushing bride and as I planned my wedding, I decided that no one other than Joni Mitchell should sing at my wedding. I wrote her a letter to ask her if she would come and do just that.

Hey, I was 21 and naive about marriage and everything else for that matter. She never wrote me back, so I had to go to plan B. My brother -in-law had a friend who sang and played guitar so we hired her to sing that day. I wanted her to sing The Beatles song, In My Life, but I didn't like her arrangement, so instead we went with a Hoyt Axton song, I am Less Than the Song I am Singing. The chorus went something like this: So come stand by my side where I'm going, take my hand if I stumble to fall, it's the strength that we share when we're growing that gives me what I need most of all. Gives me what I need most of all.

Ours was not typical wedding song, but it fit who we were at the time, and it continues to hold true for us 32 years later.

Anyways, back to Joni... so I loved her albums and sat many a night in the dark in my room at my parent's house with the record player blaring so loudly, my father would yell for me to turn it down.

I have been meaning to go to Starbucks to buy her new CD Shine since it came out, but never seem to get there. In the spring my boss gave us gift cards to Starbucks and since I don't drink coffee, I used it to purchase the CD.

So here I am on a Sunday night, writing on my blog, and listening to a new CD of Joni. She sounds divine and the music gives me healing chills. I haven't bought a new CD in forever, and it is so much more than a treat... it is an absolute necessity for the soul.

My husband introduced me to Joni back in high school as well as many other vocalists and bands. I was a Pop 40 girl when he met me and he turned me on to the deeper things in life.

In the interview this morning Joni said she was done with music a few years back, but after a while the songs for this CD came to her leading her to return to recording.

Joni is inspiring on all levels, I am in awe of her and since I have been a fan for so long, I am very proud of her.

THERE BUT FOR THE GRACE

It could have happened.
It had to happen.
It happened sooner. Later.
Nearer. Farther.
It happened not to you.

You survived because you were the first.
You survived because you were the last.
Because you were alone. Because of the people.
Because you turned left. Because you turned right.
Because the rain fell. Because a shadow fell.
Because sunny weather prevailed.

Luckily there was a wood.
Luckily there were no trees.
Luckily there was a rail, a hook, a beam, a brake,
a frame, a bend, a millimeter, a second.
Luckily a straw was floating on the surface.

Thanks to, because, and yet, in spite of.
What would have happened had not a hand, a foot, by a step, a hairsbreadth
by sheer coincidence.

So you're here? Straight from a moment still ajar?
The net had one eye hole, and you got through it?
There's no end to my wonder, my silence.
Listen
how fast your heart beats in me.

-Wislawa Szymborska